tjoz

Update on Sophie, our foster girl....

2010-11-28T15:40:00.001+11:00

Right after my last post, Sophie met a family who wanted to adopt her. They are a young couple with a three year old daughter who live in Newcastle. They had to wait for her because of a pending hospitalization (the Mom), and Sophie hadn't lost enough weight for her de-sexing. The good news is she has lost the weight and then some. I'm sure she must be down to a svelte 19 kilos.

Unfortunately, though, Sophie bit a male human friend in the dog park (on the finger) after he tapped her on the nose. This caused our rescue group to be concerned for her eventual re-homing (fear that she might bite a member of the new family), they canceled her de-sexing appointment and requested the services of a dog behavioral specialist.

She had her behavior assessed this morning, and she had a risk score of 1/10.... hence, very low risk. There is still a concern for her to be re-homed with children, so I don't think she will be moving home with the nice family who have been waiting for her.

I never thought I would have a foster dog for this length of time - seven months so far - but it has still been worth it. Sophie is quite a character and is very good company. I hope we find the perfect family for her soon, though, just so she can get settled in and bond.

On Fostering a Dog

2010-09-26T15:34:00.007+10:00

Last Easter I decided I would like to foster a dog. Before the holidays, lots of pet owners dump their dogs because they don't want the expense of putting them in a kennel for a week or two. These dogs fill the pounds and lots of them end up on death row. Fortunately, there are rescue groups who take the dogs that would otherwise be euthanized. This is how we got Sophie and this is how Sophie looked when we first got her, fat, dull coated...:

She was so fat that she could barely waddle around. I think her past owner just left her in the backyard and fed her fattening food without ever exercising her. She weighed 28.8 Kilos when we got her; and she's now at a semi-svelte 23.8 Kilos. She lost 5 Kilos, but unfortunately needs to lose 3.8 Kilos more before she can be desexed safely. I didn't expect to have a foster dog for this long.

Don't get me wrong, I love Sophie. She's a great dog in many ways, she just needs to be the only dog in a household because she's BOSSY. Photo below of slimmer and bossy Sophie:

Good old Sammy (the "questionnoodle") is pretty mellow, and when Sophie pushes him too far, he'll let her know that he's not at all pleased. Poor Karma (Australian Shepherd), though, gets submissive to her and slinks away.

I mentioned that Sophie still needs her desexing surgery. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as doggie menopause. It's the ethical thing to do when you are re-homing a rescue animal, but it's also safer for her in terms of less chance of mammary tumors, etc.

Do I recommend fostering a dog? Without question. Rescue organizations usually have full houses at their facilities, so they need foster carers to take up the slack. It's also better for a dog to be in a home than in kennels with tens of other dogs. I'll cry when Sophie is adopted and leaves us, but I knew it was a temporary arrangement when we got her. Besides, there are lots of other doggies waiting for love, good care and a safe haven, and we have plenty of that.

Long Time No See

2010-09-21T15:58:00.003+10:00

It has been a while since either Tim or I have posted, and needless to say, a few things have happened in the last two years. For one thing, we moved from our house in Thornleigh, a whole kilometer to Westleigh. Our old house was great in many ways, but two big for us and too much work. Our new place is a duplex located right next to the Westleigh Dog Park. How good is that? We have three small bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen (large), a garage, and a double courtyard out back. Westleigh has nice wide roads, so it's not like the streets in Thornleigh where you take your life in your hands just going out for a walk - crazy drivers/narrow roads. Up the street is a small shopping center, and the only thing lacking is a fish shop.... well, and a clothes shop...

Also next to us is Ruddock Park, which is a wonderful park with tennis courts, kids playground, an oval for sports, a graffiti wall, trees and grass.

When we first moved into our new home, we decided to renovate the kitchen. I would talk about that adventure, but I'm still trying to forget about it - what a nightmare. The finished item was successful, but the road was long and weary. I'd like to include some photos of the kitchen, but it's along several walls, so it's hard to do anything inclusive. We just bought a new camera, so maybe I'll try to get a few pics.

In the meantime, here is a photo of our "new" house:

I speak like we just moved here, but in fact, it has been one year.

CIGNA - More proof of their dishonesty (click here)

2009-07-03T16:23:00.002+10:00

Holiday on the South Coast of NSW

2008-12-13T11:36:00.001+11:00

Hi. It’s Monday, about noon, and we’re staying at the Shellharbour Beachside Tourist Resort. They really mean "beachside", because we are about 50 feet from the water. We unfortunately have some trees in the way of our water view, but the sound of the surf is very relaxing and there is still a nice breeze. The beach is a combination of sandy and rock pool. There’s also a huge “manmade” ocean pool - huge! I think I might swim in it, since I’m not big about swimming in the ocean.... yeah, I’m afraid of sharks, I give.

We arrived here last night after packing and deciding at about 2 PM that we would leave on the day, rather than wait for the next day, which would mean today which means we wouldn’t be here now, so I’m glad we decided to go when we did. Phew.

The people who run this caravan resort are really nice. They must be, because they allow dogs! Yeah! All the usual rules apply regarding leashes, etc., but Sammy and Karma well-mannered in parks. They usually just lie around the outside of the caravan, unless they can finagle their way inside, which they invariably do. Last night, it was raining, hence, wet and smelly dogs. We kept them in the car (wagon, with their beds and all the comforts of home), and they probably slept better than we did. Except for the times we woke them for “walkies” because we were afraid they might bother the neighbours.

This morning, the weather was mostly clear - at least partially sunny, occasionally cloudy and fairly pleasant. I went to the local mall to pick up a book on caravanning and camping in Australia - a “bargain” at $50 bucks - yikes! I still can’t get used to the cost of books in this country. Hopefully, the information in this book with save us so much money, it will have been a charmed purchase. We had to do something, since we left our only, albeit, outdated, other caravan books somewhere at home. We were fortunate to have found such a great place to stay just by following signs and our noses.

I will include photos as I take and process them (aka: photoshop!).

Great headline

2008-11-29T08:41:00.003+11:00

Drug-smeared boobs knock out robbed men

Still a few more days to donate....

2008-11-27T12:34:00.004+11:00

Whales and dolphins singing

2008-11-27T11:21:00.002+11:00

The Neptune Project in Canada has some cool recordings of whales and dolphins. Spectrograms are also shown.

Tim

This is great, and amazing, and wonderful....

2008-11-07T11:36:00.002+11:00

The Next First Family Of The United States

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Giant spider eating a bird (I TOLD you we have really big spiders here!)

2008-10-23T16:46:00.002+11:00

Giant spider eating a bird caught on camera - Telegraph

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If you like Cigna, then nevermind...

2008-10-19T14:26:00.001+11:00

What Depression Means to Me

2008-10-12T14:23:00.005+11:00

1. Intense sadness. I’m not even sure what I’m sad about.
2. Loss of friends. Slowly, but surely, people grow away from me. This happens for a couple of reasons. First, I’m hard to be around when I’m depressed. Secondly, I don’t want to be around anyone when I’m depressed – because it’s hard to interact when you’re depressed and because I feel guilty that I am bumming someone else out. I am not fun to be around.
3. Loss of interest. I have spent a lot of time lately sitting in my living room chair thinking of things I should be doing or trying to imagine what I want to be doing. Nothing sounds viable.
4. Loss of energy. I know I should exercise more, but I find it difficult to go outside, no less exercise with some amount of vigor.
5. Loss of cleanliness. See “Loss of energy”. It’s hard to clean a house effectively when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement.
6. Loss of order… impending chaos. My home is out of control. I have no energy to put things away. My “organizational systems” go unused.
7. Body discontent. I gained weight on an antidepressant lately (Zyprexa). Weight gain, no energy, and no exercise equals “flabolanche!” Impending 57th birthday doesn’t help flagging self-image.
8. Tears. Actually, tears help a bit by relieving some of the “depression” tension. (See “not fun to be around”.)
9. Lack of interest in sex. (See “not fun to be around”.)
10. Excessive sleep. Any form of escape is a good thing.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been this depressed for this long. I didn’t even realize how depressed I have been for the past year, until I tried the Zyprexa and briefly got “undepressed.” That is part of the insidious nature of depression – it isn’t always “obvious.” It is characterized by a growing discontent with one’s life and causes gaping lapses in a person’s ability to look at themselves in any realistic and positive sense. My artwork, that I normally derive tremendous pleasure from, has become an “irresponsible hobby” to me. I have completed many of my projects in the past year, but now they stand the chance of taking over the entire downstairs of our home (see “impending chaos”). I want to sell them (or give them away), but I don’t have the energy or confidence to take advantage of opportunities (local markets, garage sale, etc.)

Get the picture? Depression sucks. I am holding on while my medication is being adjusted, but it’s white knuckle all the way. If you’re a friend reading this post, you can now understand why you probably haven’t heard from me. Fortunately, I know a lot about my illness (unquestionably more than certain Cigna contracted peer review doctors!), and understanding the causes of my discomfort helps me deal with the frustration of going through it.

By the way, I write about my mental illness not for pity, but so that mental illness can come out of the closet. People need to learn about it so they will feel comfortable with people who are different. One last thing…. If anyone tells me to “just be happy” or “just think positively”…. I’ll pop them one. If depression affects you or someone you care about, learn more about it. In Australia, try “Beyond Blue” or “The Black Dog Institute.”

Death in the Garden

2008-09-12T11:22:00.006+10:00

This is a recent painting that I did, and I actually like it. The best art I create takes the shortest amount of time, but I have to be "in the zone" to get there. This painting started with a feeling I had of something huge crushing down and tearing me apart. It took about 20 minutes to complete. That's true of my best collages and poetry. I'm convinced that my "inside people" (aka "alters") work out what they want to paint or what they want to say, and use me as a vehicle towards expression. Sometimes, I can write a three page poem in 20 minutes, and won't have an idea of what it means until I read it over when it's completed. Surprisingly, it has many characteristics of well planned verse. Well, I say surprisingly, but it really isn't.

This is a recent collage. I hope you can see some of the detail, pictures, print, etc. Since I was diagnosed DID/MPD, collage has been one of the most effective methods for trying to understand what's going on "inside". As in the painting above, I do the work, and the story unfolds. (Click on the image for a closer look.)

Four more years

2008-09-08T14:21:00.001+10:00

The Ocean, a Little White Fluffy Thing, and Tragedy

2008-09-08T11:50:00.007+10:00

Yesterday, Tim and I went to Pearl Beach on the Central Coast. It's a beautiful beach which is also somewhat dog-friendly. Sammy and Karma love beaches, especially when Tim takes them on a good long walk. I think the salt air makes them even sillier than usual. We last visited Pearl Beach Christmas Day 2005, when Tim's son, Gavin, and nephew, Ben, were visiting.

The tragedy happened yesterday when a tiny white fluffy dog (Maltese, Shitsu, Fox Terrier cross), got chased into the surf by a Staffie puppy, and was instantly swallowed up by the huge surf. The surf was much worse than it was two and a half years ago. On that day, Ben and Gavin went swimming and we also easily got our kayaks into the water. Yesterday, however, you could see the rip tides and the surf was breaking so close to the shore - well, the little thing didn't have a chance (it probably weighed two kilos soaking wet).

The dog looked similar to this:

Although this just isn't something you expect to happen, I talked to a couple of "locals" who were walking past, and they mentioned that this wasn't an isolated event. Anyway, Tim and I kept scanning the water with the owners looking for the little dog, but we all finally had to give up and head for home.

Poor Soaked Wretch

2008-09-06T13:44:00.010+10:00

This poor wet Australian Magpie, that we fondly call "Randal", was begging for food on our balcony today. There has been a pair of them hanging around recently, and I suspect they are trying to feed and care for a new family. I've been giving the Magpies and the Kookaburras doggie meatballs (not meatballs made out of dogs) which they can't seem to get enough of. They are all cheeky enough to take the food right out of my hand. The maggies are particularly amazing to watch because they can pluck a piece of food out of thin air while in full flight mode. The kookaburras are not so nimble. They wait for the food to drop to the ground and then grab it.

We still have our regular rainbow lorikeets that visit (Benito and his wife), and during these rainy days, they huddle together on the "roost" I made for them enjoying relative dryness. Lorikeets are very affectionate with each other.

A Hacker!

2008-08-25T11:45:00.002+10:00

We suspected that someone was hacking into our network, but little did we know it was....

CIGNA - progress!

2008-08-19T12:14:00.002+10:00

We've made some good progress on Judi's CIGNA stoush. We now have a lawyer in New York with excellent experience in this area. He thinks we have a strong case so he's proceeding to gather material for the next step.

We'll keep you updated.

Tim

Cigna and Doctor Reviewers

2008-08-13T13:28:00.004+10:00

I wish I could say something - anything - nice about Cigna or their disability benefit denial and review process, but I cannot think of anything. I have been told that if you have nothing nice to say, it's better to not say anything at all... however...

I do not understand how a person can go through medical or graduate school to learn a "helping" profession - but seem to act without ethics or care toward people - at least in an insurance-related situation. The three doctors that Cigna contracted with (Shipko, DeFilippis or Unsell), to provide reviews of my case and hence their “opinions” of my "ability" to work showed no compassion for me at all. I know it is a business situation and not personal care, but they did not even do what should be a minimum of honest investigation into my case.

For example, all three doctors state that I am able to return to work; that I could be malingering; that I might not really have DID/MPD; and that I lied in my submittals of information to Cigna. But no one from Cigna or their contracted doctors ever tried to talk with either me, or my highly trained and qualified physician. It seems there are professional insurance case reviewers in the medical community, who get paid to give Cigna (or other insurance company) what it obviously prefers - a statement that the disabled appellant is fine - ok - healthy - robust. Their tactics include raising questions against said appellant, but never actually proving anything. If you read our appeal letter, below, you will see the different methods these doctors used to give Cigna their desired outcome.

The Cigna-contracted doctors, Shipko, DeFilippis and Unsell, have caused me a huge amount of stress, enabled Cigna to rule against my appeal, and hurt me by raising questions about my integrity. Do they imagine theirs is a victimless crime? It is not!

I am fortunate that I have the love and support of a husband who works and can provide for me; otherwise, I could easily be one of the many homeless mentally ill. But there are disabled people who have lost their homes because the insurance companies are unfairly terminating their disability benefits, and they have nothing or no one to fall back on.

What happened to ethics? Is the doctor's need or lust for the dollar so powerful he is willing to toss his morals out the window?

We (the people of the USA) have a corrupt health insurance system utilized by corrupt insurance companies who utilize corrupt doctor reviewers. We are hearing more and more stories about insurance company shenanigans - when are we going to see some positive change?

Each doctor reviewer should take a hard look inside... perhaps they might realize that I am more than just another case file - a mental “gimp” that they never bothered to talk to. I guess that makes it easier for them – the "case" has no face and no voice, so they never had to deal with a human – after all; I was just another case and just another check in the bank.

Unsell - a track record

2008-08-08T12:12:00.003+10:00

The first doctor used in Judi's case, Dr. Randal Unsell, has a track record. The Court in "Combe vs CIGNA" noted that:

Dr. Unsell concluded that the “available information does not support a psychiatric functional impairment to preclude the claimant from work capacity.” Id. He disregarded the treating physician’s opinion, as well as his office notes and letter describing the deterioration of Combe’s condition, based on Dr. Roniger’s refusal to obtain neuropsychological testing to substantiate the referenced cognitive deficits and his diagnosis.

Cigna - Unethical and Uncool

2008-08-08T10:35:00.005+10:00

We were not totally surprised to received Cigna's most recent letter informing us they have denied yet another (and final) of my disability benefit appeals. Although, I must admit I was allowing myself to dream of victory when their response was late (past the 45 day limit). I hoped perhaps the only way they would allow that occurrence would be in the case they needed to pay me money. Wrong again.

In the final appeal denial - all one and a half pages of it - they stated they had not received additional supporting evidence to prove that I am unable to work. Tim and I are wondering, then, what do they think of the 50 plus pages of information we sent?

I am including, below, the letter that Tim (mostly) wrote for our last appeal. I have removed certain information for either privacy or brevity. I am posting this online because I feel the Cigna contracted staff and doctors should be made accountable for their – what I believe to be – unethical actions and conduct.

____________________________________________________

Disability Management Solutions
CIGNA Group Insurance
12225 Greenville Ave., Ste. 1000
Dallas, TX 75243-9337

RE: Second appeal concerning termination of disability payments for
Judith Dodge Lowell

We are writing to appeal the decision by CIGNA to terminate disability benefits for Judi Lowell. This is our second appeal following termination. We also filed an earlier document arguing that termination should not proceed. Thus, in all, this is the third substantial document that we have submitted concerning this matter.

In April 2008, we requested and received from CIGNA what we understand to be the complete Administrative Record (AR) for Judi's case. Our appeal is based on material found in that Record. The AR contains a large number of documents, including notes from Judi's doctors, reviews by CIGNA's peer reviewers, and correspondence between Judi and CIGNA.

We would like to categorize our responses in five areas:

Qualifications and experience of CIGNA reviewers:

None of the review doctors appear to have any experience diagnosing or treating DID. We used internet resources to determine information about the doctors:

We can find virtually no useful information on Dr. Unsell's medical expertise apart from his qualification in anesthesiology, and a statement that he specializes in addictions psychiatry. Dr. Unsell has no published papers listed in PubMed. In our internet research, we did find that Dr. Unsell's name has been published in the Park City Police Blotter for public drunkenness and assault of his wife. He has also been arrested for "Harassing Communications". Given that Judi's second husband is documented in the AR as being a substance abusing and abusive stalker, we believe that use of Dr. Unsell as a reviewer is not appropriate.
Dr. DeFilippis is a clinical psychologist/neuropsychologist running a company providing various services, including forensic psychology. His web site lists the areas in which he has received post-graduate training - dissociation is not included. Although he has published a substantial number of papers, none of those listed on his web site address dissociation. A search on PubMed also failed to reveal any papers on dissociation.
Dr. Shipko's web site says that he is a "board certified psychiatrist in private practice in Pasadena, CA. Known for his work in the field of psychosomatic medicine, his clinical subspecialty is panic disorder." Dr. Shipko has a strong media presence, and is evidently an expert in the connection between reflux and panic disorder. A search on PubMed failed to reveal any papers on dissociation.

We both have experience in searching for appropriate doctors. We would not choose any one of these doctors to treat Judi's illness. We do not understand why CIGNA regards these doctors as being suitable to provide a well-informed medical review of a patient with DID.

Failure to determine medical history and current status:

The AR clearly shows that CIGNA and the various review doctors have failed to take reasonable steps to determine Judi's medical history and current status. We highlight a few examples below:

Neither of the three review doctors or anyone from CIGNA has talked directly to Judi.
Neither of the three review doctors has talked directly to Judi's current doctor, Sybil J (or to any other of her previous providers). For example, in the section of Dr. Unsell's report entitled "Peer-to-Peer discussion", he mentions that he elected instead to send a questionnaire to Dr. J because of the "17 hour time difference", presumably not realizing that the time difference is actually 7 hours (a time difference cannot be greater than 12 hours). Dr. Unsell then bases his assessment on his uncertainty over questions that could (and should) have been discussed directly with Dr. J (for example, the form and severity of Judi's switching).
Following her most severe episode, in 1998, Judi was admitted to Timberlawn hospital (http://www.timberlawn.com/trauma.htm) in Dallas, Texas for 14 days inpatient care, followed by 14 days outpatient. The treatment and hospital unit are specifically for patients with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID/MPD). Timberlawn is operated by Dr. Colin Ross, one of the world's most recognized and respected experts in the field of DID. However, CIGNA has failed to obtain any documentation from Timberlawn. This is in direct contradiction to the letter of June 19, 2007 from CIGNA, which states that the review material includes "all the records from various hospitals and providers,..." We find this omission particularly strange since Timberlawn is located in Dallas, the same city as the corresponding CIGNA office. We find it even more troubling because Timberlawn is a leading center for the treatment of DID. Thus, for example, if as Dr. DeFilippis suggests, Judi is not actually DID or is malingering, the records from Timberlawn should show that. We note that the AR shows that CIGNA did ask Timberlawn for the records twice but then for some reason neglected to actually obtain the requested material.
Judi was diagnosed as DID in 1997 by Dr. F, formerly of Albuquerque, New Mexico (as evidenced by two statements from Dr. F in the AR). Despite the obvious importance, Dr. F's case notes are not present in the AR.
We have submitted two previous responses answering specific questions that were raised by CIGNA. We have not received any answers to the points addressed in these responses. In addition, the latest review, by Dr. Shipko, does not mention these as being amongst the documents that are being reviewed.
As part of our second response, Dr. J (October 14, 2007) wrote a detailed explanation of why she considered Judi unable to work. The action sheet from CIGNA shows merely an annotation that "There is no new information that refutes the prior discussion re: functionality".
At Dr. Shipko's request, Dr. J wrote another long, detailed letter to him (January 12, 2008) prior to his January 16 review. This letter is part of the AR but is not mentioned as one of the documents that Shipko reviewed, although he had specifically asked Dr.J for it. Since this letter addresses some of the issues in his review, this is a serious oversight that we believe undermines his review.

Errors, insufficient review of the AR, innuendo, and unfounded conclusions:

In addition, the reviews have errors, evidence of insufficient review of the AR, innuendo, and unfounded conclusions.

Examples from Dr. Unsell:

Dr. Unsell writes, "If the Cx does indeed have DID, which is very rare, it would be common for her to be under the care of a mental health professional." The SIDRAN site (http://www.sidran.org) says that DID prevalence in the general population is about 1%. Judi's DID was diagnosed by Dr. F in 1997. Also, she is under the care of a mental health professional, Dr. J, who is experienced in treating DID.
Following up on the previous point, we note that Dr. Unsell often uses the construction "If the Cx does indeed...", thus raising uncertainty and doubt without having to answer the implied question. He raises clearly important questions but does nothing to address them. Another example of this type of innuendo:
"If the Cx indeed did write the blog, her psychiatric functional capacity may be significantly stronger than other sources indicate."
Dr. Unsell wrote the following (obviously careless) statement: "She first saw the Cx on 10/25/05, and most recently saw the Cx on 10/18/05".
Dr. Unsell wrote that the Cx has "patches of memory loss of traumatic childhood events." We presume he meant to write "recall" rather than "loss".

From Dr. DeFilippis:

Dr. DeFilippis incorrectly refers to both F and D as "social workers". They are, in fact, MSW, Dr. F has a PhD in Education and they have many hours of continuing education credits from training opportunities in dissociation and trauma.
Dr. DeFilippis consistently writes "D(removed for privacy)" instead of "D".
Dr. DeFilippis writes "Unsel" instead of "Unsell".
Dr. DeFilippis states that Judi's psychiatric history dates back to 1995 - in fact, it dates to the late 1980's.
Dr. DeFilippis gives responses to two specific referral questions: on functional capability and on standard of care. His answer on functional capability relies upon his over-reading and misreading of our blog, and his answer on standard of care ignores much of the AR showing treatment by F, Timberlawn Trauma Unit, D, and J.

From Dr. Shipko:

Dr. Shipko is clearly confused about the gender of Dr. Sybil J and even worse, refers to her as he and she in successive sentences. He is also mistaken about the gender of Dr Verna P, but he is consistent in mistaking her for him.
Dr. Shipko writes Judi's name as "Judy", though the correct spelling is used throughout the AR.
Dr. Shipko is asked by CIGNA to assess Judi's capability to work from July 19, 2007 - the date of the cessation of benefits. He actually has a lot of relevant information from Dr. J but he rejects this and instead, he draws an unfounded conclusion about Judi's state from the fact that Judi did not see Dr. J for a few months in mid 2007. Dr. Shipko deduces that the "most likely explanation for this attenuation of treatment, taken in conjunction with the other evidence of functionality, is that the claimant is significantly improved and back at her baseline of functionality when she was still working full-time." Dr. Shipko himself notes on page 5 that there was a similar gap in Judi's treatment from April 2004 to October 2004, yet does not draw the obvious but incorrect conclusion that she must have recovered then as well. As we have documented in our previous appeal, the reasons for the break in 2007 were financial, a desire to take a short break from the intense experience of therapy, and the fact that Dr. J was absent from work for some time with a broken shoulder.
On page 8 of Dr. Shipko's report, he notes that Dr. J writes, "symptoms are anxiety, depression, mood changes, identity confusion, derealization, depersonalization, loss of time(s), social withdrawal and intrusive abdominal/pelvic discomfort". He also states that Dr. J "writes that the claimant is symptomatic on most days, is anxious and avoids socialization." However, in his conclusion, he baldly states that records do not reflect that either rapid switching or severe depression or anxiety are present. On page 12, Dr. Shipko states that "The information does not indicate that the claimant has a mood disturbance", in direct contradiction to his statement on page 8. The information available to him does indicate a mood disturbance, but in forming his conclusion he disregards the report of Dr. J, although Dr. J has treated Judi for three years and is best suited to provide a clinical report. Furthermore, only Dr. J has examined the patient, Judi, during the period in question - from July 19, 2007 onwards.

Our blog, http://tjoz.blogspot.com, is the focus of a lot of attention, both in the reviews and by CIGNA.

In the letter of June 19, 2007, CIGNA relays a claim from Dr. DeFilippis that no alter has written in the blog. There is no explanation how this was determined. Dr. DeFilippis has not met Judi or any of her alters so we find it astonishing that he would make this claim.
The hard copy of the blog in the AR contains handwritten comments of unknown origin. The comments extrapolate a lot from a little, always in a biased direction. For example, Judi wrote "Some friends told me about the blue ringed octopus...." and the note next to it read: "social?" Next to a note where Judi mentioned that she researched caravan parks on the internet, the note read "research and planning?" No notes were placed next to comments that indicated any problem with certain activities. There is no note next to where Judi talks about her depression or any mention of large gaps of time missing in the blog.
About 80% of the blog posts were by Tim. Tim reads widely and often writes on the blog on a wide range of topics, and on books. Dr. DeFilippis comments that Judi is able to read complex books, such as by Cormac McCarthy, as evidenced by a blog entry. This is an unfounded supposition, which should have been checked - in fact, Judi has not read any substantial book in years, and that entry on the blog was written by Tim.

The blog is used by Dr. Shipko (letter to Dr. J, January 7, 2008) to argue that Judi is "capable of a high degree of socialization and activity". We found the following relevant entries for each month:

1. February 2005: 2 entries (trips to Santa Fe and Clovis - one night each)
2. April 2005: 1 entry (dinner at Epping with Indian friend)
3. May 2005: 1 entry (mention dog walks and meeting interesting people)
4. June 2005: 2 entries (re: Manly trip, Judi mentions socializing at the dog park daily)
5. July 2005: 2 entries (Berowra waters/Ferry trip with Tim, Juan and Rosa dinner)
6. August 2005: 1 entries (opera with Zoë)
7. October 2005: 2 entries (visit Michelle, Enno and Angelika for dinner)
8. December 2005: 3 entries (Ben and Katie, Visit with Bella and Lisa, Contemporary Museum visit, Ernie and Ruth visit)
9. April 2006: 1 entry (Judi describes people she has met on our street)
10. May 2006: 1 entry (museum trip - Tim and Judi)
11. June 2006: 2 entries (Manly Food and Wind, Urvashi and Watson's Bay)
12. December 2006: 1 entry (to see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert)
13. January 2007: 2 entries (Tim mentions Judi's birthday and lots of friends, and about Australia day with John and Alison)
14. February 2007: 1 entry (Judi mentions our caravan vacation)
15. March 2007: 1 entry (some "friends" told Judi about the octopus)

Thus in a period of over two years, the blog mentions 21 social events - less than one per month. We do not believe that any reasonable person would regard this as evidence of Judi's "high degree of socialization and activity".

Dismissal of Dr. J's qualifications and assessment:

Over the last three years, Dr. J has treated Judi regularly and is therefore in the best position to offer an assessment of her status and in particular Judi's ability to work. Faced with the clarity of Dr. J's submissions, all three reviewers have resorted to questioning her qualifications. We defer to Dr. J's most recent letter (see enclosed) for an account of her qualifications and experience. Clearly, she is both qualified and experienced at the appropriate level to treat and assess Judi's illness.

In support of Dr. J, we will relate how Judi came to choose Dr. J as her doctor. Before we came to Australia, Judi searched carefully for a suitable doctor, and ended up using the following approach - she contacted the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (http://www.isst-d.org) and asked for a referral to a doctor capable of treating DID. The Australian contact for ISST-D, Dr. Francesca Collins, then suggested three names, including Dr. J Judi contacted Dr. J via email and, after some email discussion, Dr. J agreed to take Judi as a patient.

We strongly believe that Judi is receiving care of the highest quality from Dr. J. Her letters are part of the AR, and speak for themselves. We excerpt the conclusions from two of the letters:

January 12, 2008, to Dr. Shipko: "As an employer, I would love to employ people with Judi’s high level of intelligence and skill but I would not do so if the potential employee had such unpredictability and variable ability to cope with stress and normal tasks.

"I hope that my answers are clear and sufficient to convince you and the insurance company that she is unfit to hold regular employment and that furthermore, if she were to receive the payment which she believes she is entitled to receive, she will be in a better position to receive more intensive therapy and hopefully improve to the point of being able to resume gainful employment."

May 3, 2008, to CIGNA (attached): "I have no doubt that Judi would like to be gainfully employed, and I am hoping that this will happen in the foreseeable future. Meanwhile she is not currently fit to return to paid employment in any job where she would be required to attend consistently and reliably. Unless her disability payment is reinstated by Cigna, I believe that the company’s action is a revictimisation of an already greatly traumatised woman."

Failure of attempts to understand CIGNA procedures:

We have also attempted to ascertain whether CIGNA staff followed CIGNA policies in reviewing Judi's case - for example, are the reviewers themselves selected on the basis of expertise relevant to the case at hand? Are the reviewers vetted in any way - why was Dr. Unsell's arrest record not a disqualification? Why was Dr. Shipko only asked to review Judi's ability to work from the date of termination of benefits? None of the doctors talked to Judi or her current doctor – is this consistent with CIGNA procedures?

Accordingly, Judi wrote to Kim Jackson, asking for the relevant manual, evidently called "The Book of Operating Knowledge".

From: Judi Lowell [mailto:judi.lowell@gmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2008 8:21 PM
To: Jackson, Kathryn I 212
Cc: Cornwell Tim; Lowell Judi
Subject: "The Book of Operating Knowledge"

Dear Kim,

Below is the complete text of an email I sent to you on April 18, 2008.
Apparently, the last part of the message was deleted when I sent it via pdf.

The deleted section is:

Does Cigna have a list or document that claim reviewers refer to that contains
this type of information? May I have a copy? Is there any other information
and/or document(s) that Cigna uses as reference for claim reviewers that is
relevant to my case? May I have a copy?

Thank you for your time and attention.
Best Regards,
Judi Lowell

As we are continuing to work on our appeal, I would like to go forward with
our request for this information, and I understand the manual I refer to is
called "The Book of Operating Knowledge." As I just recently found my error of
omission, and we are anxious to complete this step of the appeal process, I
would appreciate it if you could send the book to me as soon as possible.

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

Judi Lowell

Ms. Jackson replied that the internal guidelines are proprietary information:

Received: May 13, 2008 6:17 AM ChST
Expires: Jul 12, 2008 6:17 AM ChST
From: Jackson, Kathryn I 212
To: judi.lowell@gmail.com
Subject: RE: "The Book of Operating Knowledge"

Ms. Lowell,

Internal guidelines are proprietary information. Each claim is reviewed and
evaluated individually and a determination is made based upon the medical
documentation and the policy under which the employee was covered.

Based on this information, we are unable to provide you with a copy of what
you are referring the Book of Operating Knowledge. If you need anything else,
please let me know.

Thanks,

Kim Jackson
Case Manager
Dallas Claims Office
(800) 352-0611 ext. 5692
Fax 860-731-3493

Confidential, unpublished property of CIGNA. Do not duplicate or distribute.
Use and distribution limited solely to authorized personnel. ? Copyright 2008
CIGNA

We found this hard to understand - the policy is not specific about the procedures to be followed in claims dispute. We also found a relevant court case that seemed to indicate that CIGNA must release such documents (quoted in the letter). On May 12, 2008, Judi wrote to Kim Jackson, quoting a specific web site:

From: Judi Lowell [mailto:judi.lowell@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, May 12, 2008 5:06 PM
To: Jackson, Kathryn I 212
Cc: Cornwell Tim; Lowell Judi
Subject: Book of Knowledge

Kim,

You mention that this book is proprietary information, but I found the following on a lawyer's blog online. Has that ruling been overturned? I'll write to the Law firm as well to ask them to confirm their information.

Thank you for your speedy response,

Judi Lowell

http://www.longtermdisabilitylawblog.com/benefit_denials/

CIGNA's Claims Manual is Not Confidential

If CIGNA, or one of its subsidiaries, denies your long term disability claim, you should send a request to CIGNA demanding a copy of its claims manual. You should ask for it by name; CIGNA calls its claims manual "The Book of Operating Knowledge."

On November 14, 2006, we successfully defeated CIGNA's attempt to prevent disclosure of its Book of Operating Knowledge. In the case of Levy v. INA Life Ins. Co. of New York, 2006 U.S. Dist. LEXIS 83060 (S.D.N.Y. Nov. 14, 2006), Judge Gerard E. Lynch denied CIGNA's motion. Judge Lynch explains:

The case for non-disclosure is further undermined by Department of Labor regulations requiring disclosure of procedures employed during claims processing as mandated under section 503 of ERISA. See 29 C.F.R. § § 2560.503-1(g)(1), (h)(2), (i)(5), (j)(5), and (m)(8). Indeed, the Department of Labor "has taken the position that internal rules, guidelines, protocols, or similar criteria would constitute instruments under which a plan is established or operated within the meaning of section 104(b)(4) of ERISA and, as such, must be disclosed to participants and beneficiaries." U.S. Department of Labor, "Frequently Asked Questions about the Benefit Claims Procedure Regulation," C-17, http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/FAQs/faq_claims_proc_reg.html. These requirements make plain that such claims-handling manuals, whether in whole or piecemeal, are likely to be disseminated widely to plan participants and to litigants challenging benefits denials. Under these circumstances, the effort to protect such materials as confidential is quixotic.

Ms Jackson replied with an even less helpful and intelligible response:

From: "Jackson, Kathryn I 212"
Date: 15 May 2008 5:20:30 AM
To: "Judi Lowell"
Subject: RE: Book of Knowledge

Ms. Lowell,

Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back with you, but I needed to clarify with my boss on how to respond. Please see below.

Our decision utilized the information contained in the file, together with the policy. We did not rely on any procedures contained in the Book of Knowledge in making a determination on your claim. Furthermore, this request is unclear and not specifically related to the decision rendered in your claim.

Thank you,

Kim Jackson
Case Manager
Dallas Claims Office
(800) 352-0611 ext. 5692
Fax 860-731-3493

Confidential, unpublished property of CIGNA. Do not duplicate or distribute. Use and distribution limited solely to authorized personnel. © Copyright 2008 CIGNA

We then made one final attempt:

From: judi.lowell@gmail.com
Subject: Request for Book of Operating Knowledge
Date: 21 May 2008 1:15:21 PM
To: Kim.Jackson2@cigna.com
Cc: timcornwell@gmail.com, judi.lowell@gmail.com

Hi Kim,

I just want to clarify my previous request, since your boss mentioned that it was unclear. I might have referred to the book in question as the "Book of Knowledge". However, the law firm referred to it as "The Book of Operating Knowledge." If I was unclear or incorrect about the complete title, it was also mentioned as "The Book of Operating Knowledge" in the excerpt from the Law Firm blog which was included in the same email message to you.

However, I'm certain that your boss would understand these two titles as referring to the same book of reference used by Cigna, but just in case, I wanted to provide this clarification.

I also wrote the following, which seems quite clear as to what I was indeed asking for:

Does Cigna have a list or document that claim reviewers refer to that contains
this type of information? May I have a copy? Is there any other information
and/or document(s) that Cigna uses as reference for claim reviewers that is
relevant to my case? May I have a copy?

So I guess I am asking for any manuals or documents that contain procedures that Cigna follows to ensure consistent levels of standard in their review procedures. I found very little of that type of guidance in the policy.

In addition, I found the following in the DOL.gov link provided by the law firm blog:

The regulation requires that a claimant, have access to, and copies of, documents, records and other information relevant to the claimant's claim. For this purpose, the regulation defines as relevant any document, record, or other information that:

* Was relied upon in making the benefit determination
* Was submitted, considered, or generated in the course of making the benefit determination, without regard to whether it was relied upon
* Demonstrates compliance with the plan's administrative processes and safeguards for ensuring consistent decision making
* Constitutes a statement of policy or guidance with respect to the group health plan concerning the denied treatment option or benefit for the claimant's diagnosis, without regard to whether it was relied upon in making the benefit determination. See §§ 2560.503-1(h)(2)(iii) and 2560.503-1(m)(8)

Any explanation and/or documents you can provide us would be helpful.

Best Regards,
Judi Lowell

With the following reply:

From: "Jackson, Kathryn I 212"
Date: 21 May 2008 10:50:30 PM
To: "Judi Lowell"
Subject: RE: Request for Book of Operating Knowledge

Ms. Lowell,

Please be advised again that the determination was based on the documents contained in your file, which a copy was mailed to you on or around 3/19/08. We did not utilize the Book of Knowledge to make a determination in your claim.

Thanks,

Kim Jackson  Case Manager  Dallas Claims Office  (800) 352-0611 ext. 5692  Fax 860-731-3493

In pursuing our request, we were guided by material on the website of the Employee Benefits Security Administration (http://www.dol.gov/ebsa). The reason for our request was to understand the procedures followed by CIGNA in determining Judi’s case since the procedural documentation in the AR is minimal. CIGNA has replied multiple times that the determination was based on the documentation in the AR – which is not at dispute. At the end of this exchange, we were unable to decide whether CIGNA was being obtuse or obstructive. The result is the same: we were not able to determine the procedures used by CIGNA in this case.

SUMMARY:

The evidence above shows that:

1. The CIGNA reviewers are poorly suited to review Judi's status,
2. Both CIGNA and the reviewers failed to take reasonable steps to determine Judi's medical history and current status,
3. The reviews have careless errors, evidence of insufficient review of the AR, innuendo, one-sided reading of the evidence, and unwarranted conclusions,
4. The qualifications of Dr. J are incorrectly dismissed as being insufficient, and her assessment of Judi as being unable to work is therefore erroneously rejected.
5. CIGNA rebuffed our efforts to understand the procedures followed in Judi's case.

Thus, we have shown that CIGNA has failed to give Judi's case a full and fair review. The conclusion by CIGNA that Judi is now able to work is therefore unfounded, and in particular is not supported by an impartial reading of the full material in the AR.

Although we contend that the material in the AR when read impartially will support our case that Judi is not able to work at this time, we include the following additional material:

• The most recent letter from Dr. J to CIGNA,
• A personal statement from Tim concerning Judi (dated May 11, 2008),
• A personal statement from Judi regarding her condition and symptoms,
• Entries from Judi's diary.

The letter from Dr. J provides highly specific information on Judi's case.

CIGNA has told us previously that it will not use the personal material, such as that from Tim and Judi, in the review process. Nevertheless, we ask that it be placed in the AR. If this appeal is rejected, we will proceed to our next level of remedy.

This letter was written by Tim, with comments and minor revisions by Judi.

Sincerely,

Judi Lowell
Tim Cornwell
May 24, 2008

FUTBOL NEWS!!!!

2008-08-04T08:16:00.002+10:00

Tim finally get his big break and proves the naysayers wrong!

I like this....

2008-08-01T23:44:00.002+10:00

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."~ Scott Adams

Response to Question by "DC":

2008-08-01T09:00:00.005+10:00

"Insurance question for you--I will be taking a job in Australia for one year (currently living in the US) and will need to purchase a private insurance policy. Both my husband and I have pre-existing conditions and are having a really tough time finding a company that doesn't have the 12-month waiting period clause. We both are covered now (in the States) and will not have a gap in coverage--am I understanding that there a universal rule that as long as you don't have a gap in coverage that pre-existings will be covered or is there a company you can name that doesn't exclude them?"

Hi DC: My recommendation to you is to maintain your current policy (under COBRA if need be - although that is expensive) or switch to another US policy prior to moving here. Be sure they will cover you while living in Australia. Unfortunately, Australian health insurers don't honor USA (or other countries') health policy rules. Both my husband and I had pre-exisiting conditions that are not covered until after a waiting period. The paper needed is a Certificate of Continuation, but that only applies from Ozzie health cover to Ozzie health cover (at least that is my understanding). We even had excellent "expat" Ozzie health cover (QBE), and we still weren't allowed continuation of cover. (And, for some reason, it took about six months for our health fund to determine that.) Fortunately, we became permanent residents last October and became eligible for Australian Medicare, so at least some of our expenses are covered through the Australia government. Public health insurance is a VERY GOOD THING!!!!

In addition, if you keep your US insurance, you will still be covered when you return after your year abroad. One problem with what I'm recommending is that US insurers (in my case, Cigna) try all kinds of tricks to get out of paying international claims. For example, they question my doctor's provider number (She's an Australian doctor. Duh!) and so haven't paid my claims yet. They also state that I bought medicine prior to the eligible date (I assume that is 30 days or something). In the US, a pharmacist can check online or by phone to see when a patient can obtain a refill, but that's not practical from Australia. I just went and bought my prescriptions as I needed them or when it was convenient. I still took the same number of pills! I am still fighting to reclaim most of what I have submitted to Cigna (and I'm talking $100's) which is most of my claims since moving here in April 2005.

I hope this helps you and I hope my explanation is both correct and understandable. If you have any other questions, either about living in Oz or health insurance, feel free to ask.

Q: Is Judi a NERD?

2008-07-29T00:00:00.000+10:00

Best goal ever

2008-07-28T20:07:00.002+10:00

Awesome, non-linear, non-Euclidean, extra-dimensional goal. Probably the best I've seen.

Homer Simpson + John Wayne =

2008-07-14T08:07:00.004+10:00

Q. Is Tim a nerd?

2008-07-14T07:35:00.000+10:00

House of the mentally interesting

2008-07-13T14:35:00.005+10:00

Judi has demonstrated her openness by writing about her Dissociative Identity Disorder in several posts. This was partly provoked by CIGNA's stupid decision to classify her as being able to work, even though no one from CIGNA has talked to Judi or her doctor.

So she has set the standard. Now I have to live up to it. I've had clinical depression diagnosed since some time in the mid nineties, but I think that I've had it essentially all my life, starting at the age of 14 or 15, with bad flare ups every few years. I recently went to see a new doctor, and to cut a not very long story even shorter, it seems that I have Bipolar II. Bipolar used to be called manic depression, a name that is somewhat frowned upon but which is quite useful as having two parts that can be used as appropriate - mania and depression.

Depression is easy to spot in my life. We're not talking the blues here but major internal white-outs in which I disappear even from myself. I've dealt with these over the years in various ways. For the last 13 years, I've been taking anti-depressants, which usually work very well. That is, they work for a few years and then the effect seems to wear off (at least for me), and I have to move onto another type.

Mania is a much trickier customer. Severe mania is associated with BP I, and this wrecks lives. You run short on judgment, discretion, good sense, the need to sleep, etc. In place of these worthy qualities come delusions - farsight, clearsight, profound understanding and insight, and the urge to share these. Fortunately I seem to have hypomania - a little bit of mania. In small doses, the delusions seem helpful (homeopathic delusions?).

So depression and mania come hand-in-hand for a person with BP. Usually they occur sequentially but it's possible to have both at once.

I can now look back on my life and recognize periods of depression, hypomania, mania and mixed states. I feel like calling up people I know and saying you know when I did that idiotic thing.... Fortunately I don't think I've been that bad, apart from some time in the mid nineties when I was probably in a mixed state for many months. My very good friend Andy helped me get through this wretched time.

The good thing (and you knew there had to be at least one) is that BP is more amenable to pharmacological treatment than pure depression. I've been taking Zyprexa which is a wonder drug in my book. My depression has lifted totally. I may be slightly manic but I can live with that, and I suspect it will die away as I get used to the drug.

BP is evidently being diagnosed more these days, probably because doctors are more aware of it and also have better diagnostic tools. I have an appointment at the Black Dog Institute to get tested more definitively. I used their on-line test as a first pass. Black Dog deals with mood disorders in general and their web site is an excellent resource for anyone suffering from mood disorders (either one's own or someone else's!). If you think you might benefit, go check it out.

Tim

Vincent's world

2008-07-09T22:08:00.002+10:00

Danny Boy, the definitive version

2008-07-09T21:37:00.000+10:00

(hat tip to Andrew Sullivan)

CIGNA dirty tricks or just a coincidence - YOU decide!

2008-07-09T18:32:00.009+10:00

One of our readers, Darvin, comments on a previous entry:

I found your blog rather interesting. Cigna Insurance is one of the few insurance companies which does not have too many negative reports. It seems to pay out the reimbursement in time, in full amount. The customer service is also impressively good. www.pissedconsumer.com though displays people’s dissatisfaction with the company. Obviously, there are some gaps in the way the company provides its services.

He/she also writes exactly the same comment at Shakespeare's sister's blog.

I found your blog rather interesting. Cigna Insurance is one of the few insurance companies which does not have too many negative reports. It seems to pay out the reimbursement in time, in full amount. The customer service is also impressively good. www.pissedconsumer.com though displays people's dissatisfaction with the company. Obviously, there are some gaps in the way the company provides its services.

Darvin? Care to explain?

Updated:

I'm surprised that Darvin is located in the Ukraine and has such an active interest in CIGNA. Our blog log shows that he/she connected from Ukraine, Kiev, Kyyivs'ka Oblast'. My guess is that he/she is using an anonymizer. I'm not sure then why the name Darvin would be used.

Tim

Another Grand Canyon?

2008-07-05T15:27:00.010+10:00

Australia has its own Grand Canyon. I hiked it last weekend with some friends, Robert, Sandra, and Connie.

Grand is perhaps too strong a word. I'd call it Deep Canyon - it's very narrow and deep. So much so that my GPS didn't track very well. Here's the Google Map showing the parts where I had a reading:

Here's a warning sign:

Here's a view along the footpath:

The bottom is wonderfully dark and damp. The path goes up and down the side of the canyon, sometimes close to the top and sometimes at the bottom so it's quite a hike. We saw lots of people, most hiking but a few were obviously going to climb down.

The temperature was in the teen's when we were there. The bottom of the canyon would be a good place to spend a hot day but getting in and out would raise your own temperature a lot.

Here's a picture taken looking up from the path:

The guide books call this a half day walk but we did it in a couple of hours. I'd guess it was about 5km. There's a nice view at the north end of the loop shown here. The view from here really is similar to the view from the north rim of the Grand Canyon in the US - one of our favorite places to car camp.

Tim

Why we miss New Mexico....

2008-07-05T13:20:00.003+10:00

Musings...

2008-06-25T10:29:00.006+10:00

So... as one ages, does one get dumber or does one get wiser and just truly begin to realize how much one really doesn't know? Put another way, am I losing smarts or gaining self knowledge? Hmmmm.

We had four Kookaburras outside our balcony yesterday. They are funny birds. They usually don't find Tim or I very interesting since we are fish eating vegetarians, but someone suggested dog mince to me - and well, they like us more now. When it comes to food, these birds know no fear. One Kookie (as they are endearingly called here) flew right up to me to grab the mince. This is what they sound like. And here's a photo I got the other day:

It's not a great photo, but it was overcast.

Here's a photo of a Sulphur-Crested Cockatoo. He was just a foot away from me.... speaking of fearless!

When these birds arrive I do battle with them to scare them away. They are known to destroy timber homes if you stop feeding them. They are beautiful though.

Judi xxoo

The second best version of Hallejuah

2008-05-26T07:49:00.002+10:00

A group from Norway has the best version (after k.d.) - who'd have thought it?

Espen Lind(on guitar), Askil Holm, Alejandro Fuentes, Kurt Nilsen(World Idol). Wait for the last singer!

Caminito del Rey

2008-05-12T07:52:00.000+10:00

Enough with the rain already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-18T10:54:00.004+10:00

I'm really sick of it. It has been raining for weeks here. I realized that I'm not turning gray, it's just mold growing on my head.

And let me tell you about the leeches! Yuck. Last week, Tim took the dogs for an hour long bush walk. It wasn't raining at the time, but it has been raining as I mentioned. When he came home, I noticed a couple of leeches that had dropped off the dogs. They weren't engorged - meaning they hadn't yet feasted on my dogs' tasty blood - but still skinny stretching slinky alien lifeforms. It's hard to like a leech. Anyway, I thought I might rub the dogs with some special doggy insecticide I have to encourage any "hangers-on" to exodus my doggys' bodies. We've had leeches before, but I still wasn't prepared for the plethora of squiggly critters to jump ship (I mean, dog). I must have picked up 20-30 leeches! Now ask me, did I flush the leeches down the toilet?

Funny you should ask....

The last time a leech dropped off one of the dogs, Tim flushed it down the toilet. Jumping ahead (no pun intended - :) ) 20 minutes, I had just finished relieving myself and turned to flush. Have you ever had the experience of something you just deposited in the toilet coming back atcha? Well, you might have guessed what my first impression was, but it actually was the "flushed" (and may I say very good swimmer) leech! It had crawled up the inside of the toilet and was stretching its disgusting self toward where my very "personal" self was just exposed. Are you getting the picture here?

I know that some celebrities, with way too much money and time, actually pay to have leeches placed on their bodies. I know that surgeons use leeches in lifesaving heart surgery. But wouldn't a leech be the epitome of a hemophilia's nightmare?

Personally, I don't like 'em, but if you want to learn more, try here.

-Judi

Australian Private Health Insurance

2008-03-19T12:52:00.003+11:00

Tim and I took out private health insurance here in Australia. We became eligible for Medicare - Australia's public health insurance - in October. Even with the public health program, many people who can afford it, take out private insurance as well. For one reason, there is a tax rebate for people with private health insurance. I assume the reason is that private healthcare relieves some of the stress on the public system.

There is a general rule here, that if you have had hospital coverage prior to enrolling in a new program, that your benefits will continue if you enroll within two months of terminating your last insurance (hence no 2-month waiting period or pre-existing condition clauses). There is some question whether our expatriate coverage that was provided through CSIRO (until Medicare became effective by becoming permanent residents) is eligible for this 2-month continuation rule. The interesting item here, is that our new health insurer is helping us get that continuation of coverage - i.e., save us money which could potentially cost them money!

Comparing this to our experience with Cigna - well, in fact there is no comparison! I had to fight Cigna for almost every claim I ever made, which usually meant dealing with some very unpleasant (read: rude and abusive) Cigna employees.

I know that the USA doesn't have public health - unfortunately - but why can't US insurance companies be less adversarial? Why can't they pay claims without going through all the games of denial - so that only the most persistent of people get reimbursed?

I am not afraid to talk to people who work for our new health insurance. In fact, the people I have dealt with are absolutely lovely. One woman has been trying different avenues to allow us to get the continuation - going out of her way to help us! I have never had that happen to me in the United States - in dealing with health insurers. I actually dread every time I have to speak with Cigna, because I know it will be stressful, and it usually means more of my time to "justify" to them why they should pay my claim.

I have been reading about Cigna, which includes Cigna forums online. Apparently, the morale at Cigna is at an all-time low. Several employees said they have to perform the jobs of 2 or more people. One person said their insurance benefits were poor. It doesn't seem surprising to me that employees would have low morale - for all the reasons stated and because they are encouraged to hang up their ethics before entering the place of work. How satisfying can it be to constantly say "no" to people - which possibly means going against their own better judgment or nature? The more you deny claims the more you advance in the organization... does this sound right, moral or good?

The Health Insurance industry in the US needs an overhaul. Perhaps they could learn something from Australian insurers?

CIGNA and Catch 22

2008-03-12T17:22:00.006+11:00

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

"That's some catch, that catch-22," he observed.

"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

CIGNA has its own Catch 22. Leaving aside a lot of extraneous, distracting, and basically irrelevant stuff, CIGNA's case against Judi is that it doesn't believe her doctor's statement that Judi is not able to work. The only way to prove that she can't work is to try to. If she tried to work and then got sick, she would have already lost her coverage by CIGNA anyway because she would no longer be eligible because she is working! It's as beautiful (and obscene) as Catch 22.

Tim

CIGNA and morality

2008-03-10T17:54:00.003+11:00

Judi's post says a number of things that need to be said about her specific case. Driving back tonight, I was pondering how to communicate the true awfulness of CIGNA's actions in her case. CIGNA benefits from hiding in plain sight - there are so many cases of this sort that only the most egregious get the deserved attention from the media. I'd like all CIGNA case workers to act as though each case would be on the front page of the New York Times. It's a variant of the old adage that one should act as if the whole world is watching. I think CIGNA's actions in her case fail this test.

We are in the process of appealing (again).

Tim

U.S. INSURANCE COMPANIES SHOULD BE ASHAMED

2008-03-10T15:13:00.004+11:00

I feel a need to talk about private (or company-sponsored) disability insurance. Disability insurance is something an individual signs up and pays for, with the understanding that if they become disabled, i.e., unable to work, then their insurance provider will pay a percentage of their salary at disability until they are able to work again. Most people depend upon this income, and the income they receive from SSDI (social security) to live.

I went on disability in the summer of 1998. Not working was incredibly difficult for me, because I enjoyed work and I derived self-esteem and a sense of identity from my job. It is obvious to Tim and I that I cannot work - my mental health won't allow for it. In past posts, I have discussed my MPD/DID and some of the symptoms I get. Some of my symptoms I prefer not to talk about here because they are of a more private and sensitive nature. However, some of my symptoms are consistent with most “mentally ill” people, e.g., difficulty concentrating, problems with interpersonal relationships, the inability to deal with various environmental stimulants (noise, talking, music, heat, crowds, etc.). With trauma survivors, there is also the chance of becoming triggered by an event or a person. When triggered, a person could have any type of originally adaptive, but possibly, negative response (e.g., crying, hiding, dissociating (spacing out), anger, hostility, etc.).

Since I was diagnosed in 1997, my life has changed. I had already suffered from depression, so I was used to the excessive sleeping and isolation. At one point, I tried to do too much and ended up in the hospital from a “breakdown” of sorts. What occurred is that one of my child alters attempted suicide by overdosing on prescription medicine (with a wine chaser). This might seem unbelievable to most readers of this blog, but I still have the note written in a child's hand saying “Judi go bye bye”. Even more strangely, I watched this event from somewhere up by my dining room's ceiling. Fortunately, I had helper parts of me who thought to call my psychiatrist, and an ambulance arrived at my door. I hardly remember the stomach pumping at the hospital, but I recall enough to know that I don't want to ever experience it again. As I write this, my mind darts to all the things that need more explanation, but I am not inclined to get into that much detail here.

Returning to the purpose of this entry, disability insurance in the United States is a huge and corrupt scam. I read an excellent article recently:

“Practices in Health care and Disability Insurance: Delay, Diminish, Deny, Blame”
by Peter Phillips and Bridget Thornton
(I can send you a pdf copy by email if you'd like to read this article.)

This article explains how the insurance industry has become so corrupt and why the disabled population - people who have the least energy or ability, but often the greatest need - are put through hell in attempts to get what is rightfully owed to them. Cigna Healthcare terminated my disability insurance benefits effective last summer. Since that time, Tim and I have been appealing their decision, currently working on a new appeal since the last appeal was denied. My doctor has stated that I am unable to work and why. Cigna, however, has chosen to follow the assessment of two doctors who do not know me, and are obviously quite ignorant about DID. Cigna is also basing most of its decision to terminate my insurance on this blog! For example, because they read that I was able to attend and enjoy an opera with Zoe and Tim, that I must be able to have sustained concentration over a period of time. An opera? I'd bet that any number of mental hospitals would love to have opera available to their patients to enjoy and relax with. So a three hour light opera proves that I am able to work - what are they thinking? This is just one small and silly example of their reasoning.... it goes on and on.

I heard that Cigna, among other insurance companies, was mentioned in Michael Moore's film, Sicko. Apparently, the staff who pay claims are awarded for how many claims they deny. The more claims denied, the better the advancement and compensation. I know this has to be true, because as a former HR professional and on behalf of employees, I had to fight Cigna on several occasions to get claims paid that should never have been denied in the first place. Now, since I have been sick, I have had to do the same for my own claims. I still haven't been paid for my last claim submissions, and it has been months. The last Explanation of Benefits I received was ridiculous. They denied most of my doctor visits because my provider's number was not listed (or something like that). Well, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, she's here in Australia! Wouldn't you expect the international claims people to figure out that the provider numbers might be different in a country other than the US? I am certain that they just made up ridiculous reasons to deny my claims, hoping that I would get tired of fighting them. Unfortunately, that's what many people do. They give up and give in to the insurance companies - mostly because they are intimidated by insurance or rude and abusive claims people, or they are too sick or tired (or tired of caring for a sick loved one), to keep fighting.

Something has to change. I am tired of fighting, but I also can't give in because I really can't work now and I am entitled to the insurance payments.

I want to work. I like work. I would like the better income that work provides me.

Since Cigna has been monitoring this blog, they will probably say that what I have just written indicates my ability for sustained and coherent thought thereby proving that I am capable of maintaining employment. I never said I was stupid, I just told them that some days I can't go outside, talk to other people, or answer the telephone. Hmmmmm, why would that interfere with a job do you think?

Hopefully more ranting and raving to come....
Judi

Sad Kermit

2008-01-04T22:25:00.000+11:00

Can a green frog sing the blues?

Sammy closeup

2007-12-24T13:06:00.000+11:00

Sometimes it's hard to make out Sammy's face (or much of anything beyond a mass of black) in photos. Here's a nice closeup, taken at the Bayview leash free area.

Bertie and Hillary

2007-12-21T08:32:00.001+11:00

This says it better than I ever could.

Help Impeach Darth Vader

2007-12-17T16:20:00.000+11:00

Or even better, sign a petition to impeach Dick Cheney

A Gum Tree Fell Onto Our Neighbors House!

2007-12-12T17:00:00.000+11:00

Really. We were in the way of a bad hailstorm last Sunday. Fortunately, our damage was minimal except for some dings on my car. In nearby suburbs, the hailstones were as big as cricket balls - ours were not quite that big.

The speck of blue in there is our very nice neighbor, David. (Pronounced with a spanish accent because he's from Chile.)

I say "our" damage, because "our" gigantic tree fell onto "our" neighbor's roof. As I speak, it is still resting on their roof and a huge branch of it is resting on our carport roof. The emergency services guys came to check it out after the storm and said they would have to get a crane to remove it. We sort of thought that might be done on Monday, but.... I guess there are a lot of big trees to move after that storm. Tim was at home when the tree fell, but didn't hear it. He said the wind and sound of the hail was so noisy that it was all he could hear. Our theory is that one particularly forceful gust of wind knocked over the tree at the base - no roots at all! It was growing among some large boulders, so I don't think the root system was at all extensive.

Cheers, Judi

My New Pasttime (read: Therapy)

2007-12-12T16:44:00.000+11:00

I call these things Twigs. I invented them. Most of them are either hanging or standing earrings trees, the others are mobiles. The mobiles are best seen in motion because they spin and bobble and sparkle. I'm really enjoying making these things - it's relaxing and creative and all that good stuff. They are also natural - wood, willow, cane, collected sea shells and bird feathers.

As I am writing this a huge Yellow crested Cockatoo keeps trying to raid the bird feeder on the balcony. You try not to encourage these birds because if you later stop feeding them, they will destroy your house - no kidding! This particular cockatoo is quite persistent and I'm getting pissed off! So with luck I might have a whole new stash of large white feathers for my mobiles! (Just kidding. I couldn't hurt a fly.)

Cheers, Judi

Zappa and Vai - badly dressed great guitarists

2007-11-24T16:35:00.001+11:00

Cranes flying over the Rio Grande

2007-11-18T07:57:00.000+11:00

I'm in Socorro for a few days. Today the kids and I went down to the Rio Grande where I took these great pictures on my cell phone.

Cranes flying south over the Rio Grande

Doggy Heaven - where I used to take the dogs when we lived in Socorro

Zoe's first paper

2007-11-18T07:47:00.000+11:00

Zoe is second author on a paper!

Gamma and beta neural activity evoked during a sensory gating paradigm: effects of auditory, somatosensory and cross-modal stimulation.

This was a result from her honors thesis.

Gavin's introduction to his new colleagues, written by his boss

2007-10-30T20:06:00.000+11:00

R&D

In this addition of the TrueBlue, R&D is pleased to announce the arrival of Gavin Cornwell as a Research Associate I. In a continuing effort to tip the balance of power in R&D to the Dark Side, we had to go all the way to Dallas, Texas to unearth a suitably qualified chemist. Gavin is no prairie cowpuncher with lone star tattoos though; he hails originally from New Mexico. Interestingly, he's the son of a radio astronomer, which has led some to suggest that Gavin's early life is actually based on the 1982 movie, E.T.

Despite his outwardly quiet and unassuming manner, Gavin is accomplished in Capoeira, a Brazilian martial art characterized by fluid acrobatic play, feints, subterfuge and extensive use of groundwork, as well as sweeps, kicks and headbutts. Not long after starting at KPL, he decided he wasn't getting beat up enough, and also took up Jiu-jitsu. Please don't be confused about the red welts on his neck, they're more likely from his work-out the night before rather than a chance encounter with a Rockville floozy. In two short months, Gavin has already made a significant contribution to R&D, slicing through the fluorophore conjugate project with ninja-like skill and bringing it to gate review a month ahead of schedule. Not only is his scientific sword sharp, but his razor like wit slices even Michael Federman to shreds on a daily basis. To this Gavin, KPL can simply say "Cheers!"-Seth

Finally, We're Permanent Residents!

2007-10-19T08:05:00.000+10:00

Tim got the email from our immigration caseworker just last night. After several last minute requests for various missing forms or information, we were approved.

Even when your employer is requesting the permanent residency on your behalf, and the employer is CSIRO, application is still a long and arduous process - especially when you are both over 50 and one of you has a mental health problem and can't work. Tim had to get his heart checked out (I could have TOLD them he has a good heart), but would they listen to me? I had to meet with an independent psychiatrist who could verify that I was an unlikely axe-murderer, and besides, I couldn't possibly be any crazier than the "Chaser" guys are, right?

An applicant also has to prove they aren't currently married to more than one person (assuming they aren't Muslim or Fundamentalist Mormans, I guess). We had to write to the US for our divorce decrees (Tim's one decree and my two - yeah, I have a somewhat crazy past, so deal with it.) You also have to get criminal checks from your State and the US FBI.

So all in all, applying for permanent residency is an expensive and complicated and stressful process and we are really glad it's over with a positive outcome.

We're excited because we love living in Australia, and now it even feels more like "home." I'm glad they didn't deny me because I'm a somewhat crazy old person... although, from what I've heard about certain Australian politicians....

Cheers and G'Day Mate and No Worries!
Judi

Mica (Nee circa 1989-October 11, 2007)

2007-10-12T10:36:00.001+10:00

One of my best girlfriends died today. She was 18. I found her at the Humane Society in 1990, and I think she was about one year old. She had been rescued while roaming the mountains east of Albuquerque, New Mexico. I think she must have been hungry when they found her, because I have never known a dog who would eat anything... well, almost anything. She used to leave the sprig of parsley on her plate.

Right after I got Mica, she developed a cough. I was worried that she was going to die and I remember asking the vet to be straight with me. I didn't want to get attached to her if she was just going to up and die right away. It turned out to be kennel cough and she recovered quickly. It was love at first sight anyway, so I had already become attached.

A couple of months later, she and I drove to Arizona and then back to Albuquerque via Bisbee and then Silver City, New Mexico. I had my new Jeep Wrangler at the time, and she used to sleep in the front seat with her head on my lap while I drove. While we drove through Silver City, I thought I was going to lose her. She was suffering from some sort of convulsive/shaking problem. As I debated on whether to find a vet to check her out, it dawned on me that she was terror stricken by the sleeting, thundering, miserable weather we were driving through. That was the first of many times she would have the same reaction. Doggie valium would have been beneficial.

Mica saw me through three hospital admissions. She actually got to visit me when I was in Charter Hospital for the depression, etc. She also kept me company after my hysterectomy, and I was lucky to have Rich Abitz, a friend from work, come by and take Mica and Buggy for a run in the foothills. I was soon on my feet from the operation, and I'm sure the twice daily dog walks hastened my recovery.

I used to go camping with Mica and Buggy (blue heeler), and I was always convinced that if I ran into trouble, that Mica would fight off anyone or thing who had evil intentions. Fortunately, I never had to find out.

In November, 2004, Tim and I decided to move to Australia. Moving to Australia with dogs is no easy task, and it became clear that Mica would not be able to travel due to her age. My friends, Robyn and Tom, offered to take her, while we would bring Sammy and Karma with us to our new home. The grief of leaving Mica behind was overwhelming. I felt such pain for months, that when we finally had to say goodbye to her, it wasn't terrible. She knew what was happening and settled herself on Robyn and Tom's porch. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect home for her.

Since the last time I saw her, the only real trauma came when she was lost for 1-2 days. She had walked 25 miles north along the highway and was rescued by a good-hearted trucker and some wonderful people from Sevilleta National Wildlife Refuge. Robyn didn't tell me about the event until she was safely at home (bless her heart). A part of me was sure she was trying to find her way home (to our old house along her route), and the guilt I felt was miserable. She was an Iditarod Dog champion at heart and body (or would have been if she had been born in Alaska and not New Mexico), so for an old girl, 25 miles was a walk in the park. (Not really. Robyn said she was thirsty and exhausted when they found her.) Many of the dogs in the Iditarod look like Mica, just look here.

I lost a best friend, and I know it will be worse for Robyn and Tom, because they will keep feeling her around their house for awhile. I'm blessed to have had Mica as my friend and companion, and blessed to have Robyn and Tom be the wonderful and generous friends (and adoptive doggie parents) they are.

We were so poor....

2007-10-12T08:05:00.002+10:00

On the road again

2007-10-11T15:15:00.000+10:00

I'm traveling again after a long hiatus. In the last month, I've been to London, Manchester, and Perth. I was born near London and did my first degree at the University of Manchester so I know them well, although I hadn't visited either for many years. Manchester is much the same mucky, wreckage-of-the-industrial-revolution town, though with a new veneer. Both London and Manchester are very dirty compared to Australia cities - lots of rubbish on the street. One thing that has clearly improved is the food - I went to a number of really good restaurants.

I've not seen much of Perth. I'm staying at Scarborough in the Rendezvous which is a nice hotel. I've been walking on the beach when possible. Here's the view of the Indian Ocean from my window:

Tim

Now for you cat lovers....

2007-09-27T18:07:00.001+10:00

Boatie dies trying to dodge sturgeon

2007-09-27T08:15:00.000+10:00

I mercilessly make fun of the Australian habit of adding "IE" to almost any word to personalize it, and here I am again.... The title of an Australian newspaper article describes a sad event, and indeed it is. But somehow, turning a "Boater" into a "Boatie"... well, I can't help but find it amusing. For example, "The truckie gave a pressie of sunnies to the postie." I'm surprised they didn't call the sturgeon a "fishie". I give you further proof that Australian slang was developed by three-year-olds.

Of course, being me and after looking at the title a bit, I realized it could be interpreted in a couple of ways (if you take creative license as I do). As you can see, Boatie can be boa-tie. Which brings us to the photo below. (Not my photo, just one courtesy of a Google image search.)

Now this is one helluva "bowtie", er, I mean boa tie. Get it?

Cheers, Judi

PS: Feeling kinda silly this morning!

Should the "Friends" be tried too?

2007-09-20T15:36:00.000+10:00

A beautiful little Chinese girl, nicknamed, Pumpkin, was left alone at a train station in Melbourne and soon after her father fled the country. The little girl is now in foster care, and it appears she will be reunited with her mother's family. The police waited two days or so for a search warrant before they would open the boot of the car. The mother had been missing for days. The mother's body was found in the boot of the family car at the family home. She was dead.

But - what if a wounded and/or gagged woman were in the boot of the car while the administrative work was taking place? The woman was dead, but did they know that? While the police were getting a search warrant, couldn't someone have died?

But - the part of the story that truly amazes me is this:

"The cause of death was unclear, but friends of Ms Liu's fugitive husband, Nai Xin Xue, were in little doubt about what had happened. A friend, who wished to remain anonymous, said Xue, 54, had spoken in the past about killing his wife.

"He mentioned it a little bit, but we never knew whether he would do it or not. Nobody could know for sure that he would do it. As a friend, you could only try to give him some help, to make him not think of the bad things. He said he felt no hope and that he felt he was being played by his wife, that she didn't really like him or love him."'

If someone mentioned to me they were thinking of killing someone, I would report them - to someone. I would find help. I would take action. This man has a history of domestic violence with his wife, and no one does anything? By all means... just try to get this guy not to think of bad things and it will be alright.

I hope they catch the guy soon and hang him by his cajones (sp?). And the friends? What is a suitable punishment for inaction, or for that matter, incredible stupidity.

Judi

Three wheels on my wagon

2007-09-17T20:49:00.000+10:00

THREE WHEELS ON MY WAGON
(Burt Bacharach / Bob Hilliard)

The New Christy Minstrels

Three wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
The Cherokees are chasing me
Arrows fly, right on by
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
A mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

SPOKEN: “George, they’re catching up to us!”
“Get back in the wagon woman!”

Two wheels on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
Them Cherokees are after me
Flaming spears, burn my ears
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
Half a mile up the road there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

SPOKEN: “Duh, Paw? Are you sure this is the right road?”
“Will you hush up? You and your maps!”

One wheel on my wagon,
And I’m still rolling along
Them Cherokees after me
I’m all in flames, at the reins
But I’m singing a happy song

I’m singing a higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die
Right around that turn there’s a hidden cave
And we can watch those Cherokees
Go galloping by

SPOKEN: “George? Should I get the bag of beads and trinkets?”
“Woman, I know what I’m doing!”

No wheels on my wagon,
So I’m not rolling along
The Cherokees captured me
They look mad, things look bad
But I’m singing a happy song

SPOKEN: “C’mon all you Cherokees sing along with me!”

Higgity, haggity hoggety, high
Pioneers, they never say die…

I am three! See me on my trike!

2007-09-17T16:10:00.001+10:00

This was taken on my third birthday (1958). Things to note:

Sturdy construction of trike
Sturdy construction of shoes
Trike-sweater color coordination
Grey socks, grey underwear
Massive bell
Embroidery on dungarees nicely moderates the otherwise excessively masculine impression

Cornwell siblings, 1958

2007-09-17T16:00:00.000+10:00

My father was an excellent photographer and at a time when we didn't have much money spent quite a bit on cameras and film. His major gift to himself every so often was a better camera. He developed a lot of black and white photographs himself in a makeshift darkroom but also took a lot of color slides. My eldest brother Chris is digitizing the best. Here is one of the four of us. From left to right: Chris, Patrick, Tim (me), and Fran.

This was evidently taken near Fleet, Hampshire, in 1958.

Tim

Vincero! Vincero! Vincero!*

2007-09-17T15:52:00.000+10:00

Actually, maybe not.....

*(Translation: I will win! X 3)

Some truth

2007-09-07T08:46:00.000+10:00

Starry night

2007-09-06T11:17:00.000+10:00

Quite extraordinary!

Tim

Midnight Visitors, well.... 7:00 PM

2007-09-02T08:38:00.000+10:00

Call the cuteness police - We had Mom and baby visiting on our balcony last night.
These are brushtail possums. This is the first time I've actually seen a Joey outside the pouch (in person, not just in a photo). Here's a photo of what this little guy was like on July 26.... well, if it's the same little guy.

Karma is becoming insistent on dragging me to the dog park, so I'll cut this short.

Cheers!
Judi

Oh, funny funny funny

2007-08-24T12:52:00.001+10:00

Domestic Goddess, That's Me OK

2007-08-24T07:54:00.000+10:00

Anyone who knows me would say that "Domestic Goddess" is not, well, me. Housework isn't my favorite thing to do, and I am clutter challenged. I am trying hard to improve my cleaning and decluttering skills, and with so many resources on the internet, how can I fail? There is http://unclutterer.com on my newsreader, and I faithfully watch the Canadian TV Show, Neat. So what have I learned. Lots. Am I improving? Everyone has to start somewhere.

So I have my own little segment of cleaning wisdom I'm going to pass along to you. I invented this myself, so if anyone else uses my "secret" formula, then I get all rights for it. I developed the secret recipe, because I don't like the smell of vinegar - who does? The secret recipe is for homemade, eco-friendly window washing liquid. Ready?

Take a spray bottle (I always recycle my old ones and use them until they die.). So assume you have an empty spray bottle the size of a Windex Bottle. Put in about 1/4 cup of white or cleaning vinegar, fill the bottle with water, and the secret ingredient..... ta dah.... add about 1/2 capful of Eucalyptus Oil. Shake it up Baby! Get your trusty microfibre rag out (I hate using paper towels.), spray your mixture on the window to be washed, and rub. It's best to use a second rag to dry. Not only does this mixture smell good and fresh, but it works incredibly well - leaves the window shiny, streak-free - and best of all, it's fast and easy. I am actually enjoying washing windows now, go figure...

So you heard it here first, from the Domestic Goddess in Training....

Cheers, Judi

Joey Possum, etc.

2007-08-24T07:37:00.000+10:00

So, I can't seem to get it right. Last Saturday night, we went to see and hear the John Butler Trio, not the John Bishop Trio like I wrote in my last post. Do you remember Joey Bishop, US comedian, from days of yore? Somehow I have the "JB" stuck in my brain, and so poor John Butler is misrepresented as Joey... well, Bishop. So let me tell you about the chubby possum who has been visiting us lately with her little Joey in the pouch.........

Stick a basketball between your legs... now try running on a narrow railing with your mouth full. That's our Momma Possum - delicate and light footed, she ain't. I really hope she doesn't meet the same fate as the poor popped possum I found a few weeks ago.

Here's one little Joey getting a ride.

With love, Judi

Catching Up....

2007-08-14T08:31:00.000+10:00

I just received an email from an old friend and neighbor (from home town Weston, Mass. USA). She saw our blog mentioned on the WHS alumni website and kindly sent an e-hello. This surprise contact served to remind me that a blog is a way to stay in touch or get in touch, and hence, worthwhile to keep up on a more timely basis.

News: As you know, Gavin graduated UTD with flying colors, and has already accepted his first "real job!" He's moving to outside of Washington, DC (Gaithersburg, Maryland), and will be an associate chemist. Moving to the east coast after growing up in New Mexico and living in Dallas, Texas, ought to be eye-opening. I think Zoe is going to join him for the ride east which should make for a fun trip, especially if they take some time to check out the country on the way.

Sad news: A couple of weeks ago as I was pulling out of my driveway, I noticed a dead animal on the grass near the road. Sadly, it was a dead possum. More sadly, it was a mama possum. I have been told to look inside a "dead" possum's pouch if it's a female, to check for offspring, and this girl had a dead baby. My friend, Jenny, said that a baby possum with no hair is called a "pinky." If they are more developed they would be called a "joey." This baby was a pinky, but fully formed. It was fascinating to be able to look into a pouch like this, but it was also upsetting. I later called Tim in tears. I think the possum, a brushtail, must have been hit by a car. It had a ridged imprint along the fur on it's side, but no other signs of trauma.

Tim and I will be going to hear the John Bishop Trio on Saturday night. We're looking forward to it. They have a great sound that you just have to move to.

I just got involved with a new "cause." It's called Barking Mad. Barking Mad is an organization that advocates for "Access Rights" for dog owners. Australian's love affair with dogs is only surpassed by the US. Even the UK comes in third! However, there are very few places in Australia where you can take your dog without being fined. Barking Mad is trying to get councils to allow dogs on more beaches... anywhere. I'll keep you informed on how we do, but the "packleader" is originally from the US and I'll tell you.... "I wouldn't want to get in her way!" This girl gets things done!

With love, Judi

Goosebump Producers

2007-06-24T15:59:00.000+10:00

Sometimes incredibly beautiful and touching things come from unlikely sources. Listen to the salesman and Connie and watch the reactions of the audience. They both gave me goosebumps.

More Rain...

2007-06-16T09:58:00.000+10:00

That's right, more rain. We had a brief reprieve and some lovely blue sky was spotted through some clouds, and like I said, it was brief. Even the crazy guys on The Chaser's War Against Everything, sat on their set in the last show, with water pouring down on them.... in the studio. No, the roof wasn't leaking, they really are just crazy. If you live in Australia and you haven't seen the show yet, you're missing a treat. It's a little like "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" on steroids, except there are five guys who play host. These guys will do anything. They will say anything to anyone, they will do the most outrageous pranks, and nudity is expected if it will get a laugh. In the last show, one of the guys went from door to door as a porn star (one woman said he looked like a cross between Elvis and Borat). He started out as "Tool" porn guy, then "Pizza" porn guy, and then "Pool" porn guy. That was my favorite because he actually stripped down to a g-string with exposed, but very cute, buns. Many of the women he met knew what was going on and played along, but the poor elderly women were pretty shaken up - can you blame them?

Check out a video - you'll want to watch them all! http://video.google.com.au/videoplay?docid=2765149300516224817

These guys are all talented - they can sing, dance, and act. One of my favorite bits is "When Life is Like a Musical." In the last show, two guys were in the emergency room of a hospital awaiting treatment, and suddenly stood up singing and dancing about having to wait so long. You have to see it to appreciate it.

Some interesting balcony news:
I have some regular lorikeet visitors and they almost always arrive in pairs. They are so cute snuggling on the "roost" and preening each other. Of course, all that lovey action disappears if I offer one a grape. Then it becomes "every lorikeet for him or her/self." One lorikeet, in particular, has stolen my heart. It's strange, because I love him for his orneriness. If I place grapes around the roost for him to pick off for himself, he'll go to each one, grab it, and throw it on the floor. He actually wants the grape, but he wants to be sure no other bird can get it too.I keep telling him that grapes don't grow on trees and he should be more grapeful, but .... oh well.

He also tries to peck my hand when I put food up for them. He just assumes I'm trying to take the food away - you have to admit that this is pretty cheeky behavior for something 10" tall. I then wave my finger in his face with him laughing and saying (to himself) "Hah! You don't scare me!!!" Two days ago I took out the cup of seed and held it for him to peck a few seeds out of it before I poured the rest on the plate. When I started moving away, he chose not to let go of his prize, and rode over to the plate perched on top of the little cup. He wouldn't let go until I had almost emptied the seed onto the plate. I've got to come up with a good name for the little guy - any suggestions? ....hmmmmmm.... maybe "Bird from La Mancha?"

And territorial? This little bird will fight, at one time, with one wing tied behind his back - crested pidgeons (one particularly persistent pidgeon), two king parrots (timid despite their size), two crimson rosellas (timid as well) and the occasional noisy mynah. The PPP (particularly persistent pidgeon) was almost as tough as the lorikeet. Unfortunately for the PPP, however, the lorikeet has help. Its mate flies up to the roof, looks down, and distracts PPP, whilst Mr. La Mancha charges head on for the attack. PPP doesn't stand a chance!

Finally, Tim and I had a nice Queen's Birthday last Monday. We took the dogs up to Pie in the Sky and had Devonshire Tea under the trees and overlooking the Hawkesbury River. Then we drove down to Brooklyn and walked along the water viewing the wrecked sailing yachts that didn't survive the recent storm. We saw five good size boats - one mostly submerged. Later we had a lovely fresh fish "tea" in an outside cafe (yes, the weather was perfect!) and strolled around the little town of Brooklyn. Well, the weather was perfect until we were almost home... and then, rain.

This is a recent not too horrible photo of me with long hair:

Last note: I just had a run-in with my little feisty feathered friend. He's getting more vicious, but maybe the weather is just getting to him as well.

Hugs,
Judi

Great versions of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah

2007-06-10T18:38:00.000+10:00

1. Choir of Hard Knocks (easily #1)
2. k.d. lang
3. Jeff Buckley
4. Leonard Cohen
5. Allison Crowe (even #5 is still really good)

One of the great songs of the last half century.

Hallelujah – Leonard Cohen (from Leonard Cohen Live in Concert)

I've heard there was a special chord
that David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, Do ya?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor Fall, The major lift,
The baffled king composing, hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne
she cut your hair and from your lips she drew a halleujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone here before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
No it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
Ah but now you never show it to me, do ya?
Well remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath that we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
All I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
No, it's a cold and it's a lonely Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch
I told the truth; I didn't come (all this way) to fool ya
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand right here before the lord of song
with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

The view from our window

2007-06-10T15:00:00.001+10:00

Graduate Gavin!!

2007-06-08T12:24:00.001+10:00

He did it! Gavin recently graduated from the University of Texas at Dallas. He had an academic scholarship for the four years and kept his grades up to maintain it. His degree is in Chemistry, and he is looking at options for medical school, research, or whatever other interesting opportunities come along. Wow.... to be almost 22 and have the whole world at your feet.... ugh! How terrifying!

Congratulations Gavin!! We love you!

Dad and Judi

Rain Rain Go Away and...

2007-06-08T11:42:00.001+10:00

...go rain someplace that really needs it. If I sound morose, it's because it has rained for two days straight. I know I shouldn't complain, but it isn't just dark and cloudy. Water is actually falling from the sky and has for some time now. It always seems to catch my laundry on line (har har). I guess the clothes will just get extra rainshower fresh.

The leeches, familiar creatures to Tim on his walks after rain, are stretching their little bodies up trying to grasp onto the next warm-blooded body strolling nearby. They really are disgusting little creatures - they can crawl right through your sock -- just stretch their bodies long and skinny... Yuck. Tim wanted to throw away a good pair of socks because he had several in this configuration. I guess that's enough leech information. Although they say they use them in heart surgeries due to their anticoagulant properties. Visions of Alien I, II, ....

Speaking of creatures, but of a much more charming nature, are our possums visitors. I made a real breakthrough with one little guy who allowed me to feed him some bread - actually holding it for him while he munched away on it. You can't see in the photo below, but one eye is blind (I think), because it has a white disc covering the pupil. This possum usually has to combat a mum and her adolescent for the food, but he's smart enough to be showing up earlier and earlier in the evening. (BTW, the bread was whole grain and homemade, but they also like paw paws, apples, bananas, etc.) (photo will be added when site allows)

The colours now in Sydney are Autumn - bold reds, yellows and oranges. It's quite beautiful. However, since the weather is so mild, you will also see roses and other brightly coloured flowers. Despite the leaches, it's actually a nice time to walk this time of year -- warm enough to be comfortable and chilly enough not to get overheated. The dogs are a lot more active as well.

Tim went on a walk with two friends last weekend. I didn't go, because it was at least 10K with some difficult vertical bits. Let's be honest, I am not in that good shape. The walk was part of the Great North Walk and it spans between Cowan, NSW and Brooklyn, NSW.

The area is the Hawkesbury, a beautiful winding river that cuts in from the ocean less than an hour's drive north of Sydney. I thought you might enjoy seeing a couple of photos that Tim took on his outing.

I have two pairs of wet and bedraggled Lorikeets huddled together on the balcony. At least the roof gives them some shelter. Actually, that's why I built my little aviary in the first place - they always look so miserable in the rain.

Cheers! Judi

The Rattrap of the Future

2007-05-10T12:07:00.000+10:00

Rats, cont…

I discovered that rattraps are poorly made. It doesn’t matter if they are wood or plastic. – some part will break right away. Some traps last for “the one big kill” and that’s it. Others decompose if left outdoors for a night or two. Like I said, “in search of a better rattrap.”

Then, as I cruised the web (as I am wont to do), I came across “The Rat Zapper.” What a great idea! The rat walks into the blue container in search of the treats you’ve placed in it, steps on a metal plate, and kaboom. The device is humane and hygienic. I only wish it had worked.

First of all, the Rat Zapper sells for $29 in the US. Australia customs won’t allow you to import one, because it is used to maim or destroy an animal. Well, yuh! So, I bought a Rat Zapper from an Australian distributor. $125 (AUD) later, plus the $20 special AA batteries it requires, I was on my way to rat-free-dom. So I thought.

I’ll skip a bit through the process and jump to the results: two mice and a whole bunch of electrocuted slugs. An electrocuted slug in a Rat Zapper is a little like have your KY Jelly explode in your dresser drawer. ‘Nuff said.

My Rat Zapper is back with the distributor who is testing it. I will try to remain optimistic. My friends now think I'm crazier than I really am!

Next: A trap, a mouse, and a bucket of water.

Cheers, Judi

In Search of a Better Rat Trap....

2007-05-03T18:50:00.000+10:00

In search of a better rat trap…

Have we discussed my rat problems? More so, have we discussed my rattrap problems?

Feeding birds on a balcony tends to attract rodents – where there is seed, there are rodents. I’m not exactly a mouse fan, but I have to say the rats are really really getting to me. I’m not talking about the cute little hippety hoppity bush rats – nope, these are your common, not so very cute rat rat.

I started out with such high ideals. My first rat elimination technique was going to be the catch ‘em and let ‘em go kind of trap. I even found a man who makes the devices and only lives a few burbs over. They were cheap. My mind was swayed after talking to various people about rat problems. My neighbor, who is a really, sweet and gentle guy, would just as soon destroy them all and if they suffer, all the better. Ian is not a rat fan. Besides, what do you do with them after you catch them? Take them to the bush down the street so they can journey to and frequent someone else’s house? Is that fair?

Most people I spoke with use rat poison. They say that ended their rat problem. But I just can’t do that! First, it makes them suffer – they dehydrate and die or seeking water, they drown. And then what about the poor schmuck who then eats the poisoned rat? It just goes on. It offends my environmental sensitivities.

So, I go to the store and buy your basic (plastic or wood, wire or coil….) mouse and rattraps. I convince myself this is the most upstanding solution. We had immediate success – two rats in as many days. We were on a roll. Except, rats are not stupid. In fact, I think rats are pretty darn smart. Even when I set the trap directly in front of their little cartoon-like entrance – they must jump over it or something…. To be continued…

Cheers, Judi

Poem Below...

2007-04-19T14:46:00.000+10:00

The poem I wrote yesterday is not very good, but it helped me get in touch with what was bothering me. I was anxious and sad and wanted to hide from the world. After writing the poem, I realized it was the Virginia Tech shooting that had jolted me. I found that I was angry that it happened, angry that someone didn't see it coming and sad for the beautiful people who lost their lives. All over the world people are being murdered in war or genocide... a classroom should be a safe place, but then again, that mold was broken long ago.

Mostly, I feel powerless to make the world any better or safer.

Hugs, Judi

The Conversation

2007-04-18T16:47:00.001+10:00

Weapons of mass destruction kill thousands or thirty-two.

How can you measure the forces of sadness, loss and grief?

How does it feel standing - facing - a bullet-exploding door

Trying to save your own life?

Sometimes we think that wouldn't be so bad

But scary even with our approval.

I wonder if we would take it personally,

That someone wanted to kill us - whoever we might be?

I like to think that my heroism would bust out saving all

Even if it was time for me to go away.

It's easy to be brave and heroic with words.

How does it feel facing steely dead killing eyes?

I would have, of course, tried to talk to the shooter,

To help him work through his anger issues and anxieties.

We would sit together over a beer and chat.

I would tell him why it wasn't a good idea to kill people.

I would of course request all people go safely elsewhere,

So that the shooter and I could talk without distraction.

I would ask him why he wanted to kill others

When he could just commit suicide and float gently away.

He would tell me they all deserved it, those people,

And why he was angry with them and they had to die.

I would ask him if he wanted company during his death;

I would ask him why he felt that would help, him.

The shooter and I would relax more from the beer

And from our good conversation about anger and hate.

The shooter would lean back and sigh, perhaps he would look confused;

I would ask the shooter how he felt.

The shooter would tell me he felt better and he wished he had talked to me before

Before he decided to kill those people who walked by his life

I would feel the shooter's pain deep in my gut and my heart would hurt

And then I would kill him with his own gun.

-judi

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Being Multiple

2007-04-16T12:41:00.000+10:00

“Multiple Personality Disorder” (MPD) is the outdated term for the currently accepted term “Dissociative Identity Disorder” (DID). I use these acronyms interchangeably. I usually refer to myself as “multiple”, so I’ll stick with that.

Trying to write about my multiplicity is no easy task. How many people find it interesting? Who finds it interesting? What do they think is interesting about it?

For entertainment value, there are lots of good jokes about multiples. For example:

How many alters does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as will: one to change the bulb, one to change it back, three to argue over whether they want it light or dark, one to throw the light bulb against the wall to hear it crash, one to clean up the mess, four to go shopping for new bulbs and come home with stockings, licorice, Disney movies, popcorn and masking tape, one who insists it "IS" the light bulb and doesn't understand why everyone always wants it to change and can't it just be itself???? etc....

How many alters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

“4” --- 1 to screw in the light bulb, 1 to watch the screwing in of the light bulb, 1 to deny the screwing in of the light bulb ever happened, and 1 to repress the memory.

A difficult thing about living multiple is that many of my friends cannot understand when I am having a hard time. For friends who knew me “before diagnosis,” it is particularly confusing. In fact, it might be as difficult for them to accept my multiplicity as it was for me when first diagnosed. It’s a “concept” that is just difficult to “get your head around.”

It is also hard for friends to understand my need for solitude and quiet. Due to the extra activity in my brain, I become over-stimulated quickly. I can only tolerate being around anyone for more than 2-3 hours at a time… to say nothing of the many times I need to be alone. How can I expect a friend to understand that I have “someone” crying “inside” causing me to be sad or anxious?

It is also difficult for an “SPD” (singular personality disorder – ha ha) to understand my concept of time. I guess that “concept” would best be described as “variable.” For example, a couple of months might feel like a couple of weeks to me. I’ll try to explain more later. I don’t want you getting bored!

Hugs, Judi (et al)

What is going on?

2007-04-05T08:03:00.000+10:00

Perhaps you have read the recent story in an Australian newspaper (SMH) about five teenage boys who raped a seventeen year old girl and filmed it on their mobile phone. This isn't the first story like this, and it is unlikely to be the last. What hit me with this story is the incredible lack of respect the boys have for this girl (or any). They get her drunk, they take her to a bedroom, they rape and otherwise molest her, they laugh at her, egg each other on and film the incident, and they toss her onto the front steps of her home without some of her clothing.

What is going on? I'm not sure... is it testosterone run wild? Have people become so used to seeing and hearing about inhumane acts that kids have embraced that immorality? I can't read about the various "wars" in Africa without hearing about the rapes that occur and the incredible brutality (using guns to physically rape) women and the physical and longterm damage that does to a woman.

We find ourselves in a world where lopping off a person's head is commonplace. This doesn't happen just in the war zone, however. Yesterday I read about two men who beheaded a seventeen year old boy and bowled with the boy's head.

Hello?????!!!!!

I can understand the mentality in one sense, because the various "powers that be" use their religious beliefs to justify atrocities. Our overtly "christian" president Bush appears to have no problem killing countless people (for whatever reason he chooses at any given moment). I'm sure he prays for them. Islam does the same in that they justify suicide bombs and beheadings as the will of Allah.

There are many explanations why the teenage boys came to rape and humiliate the girl. We can blame it on the media, on the internet, on the breakdown of the family, on childhood abuse and neglect, and so on. It sickens me, however, to hear a boy's grandfather blame the victim and provide excuses for the boy. Accountability?

How much responsibility belongs to the boy's family (especially good ol' grandad)? How much to the boy(s)? Society? Media? Internet?

It's hard to be optimistic. Are we all "going to the dogs?" I wish we would - they are far more sensible and less brutal than humans.

It's just so sad.

With love, Judi

On the Paws Front - Good News

2007-04-03T20:23:00.000+10:00

We have guardedly good news about Sammy. Last Saturday morning, I took him in for his check up with Kay, our wonderful vet. The bad news is that Sammy has Lymphoma. The bumps and lumps I was concerned about turned out to be just fatty cysts (one calcified). The vet, however, found a little nipple like growth on Sammy's tummy. We are fortunate that she found it, because it is the nasty one and as with most cancers, the sooner it's found, the better to be able to treat it early.

Kay took more blood and sent it to pathology. The pathologist, who did the original test, said that with some slight abnormalities, everything important was within the norm. I say she's wonderful, because she called me at 8:00 PM on a Saturday night to let me know the test results - less than seven hours after the blood was taken.

So if Kay got the whole cancer with the little nipple-like thing she cut out, we might be in good shape. But nothing is for sure (except death and taxes as they say), so I will need to check Sammy for enlarged lymph nodes in certain areas of his body on a monthly basis. We will also have regular checkups at the vet's, because some of the changes can be extremely subtle and easily overlooked by inexperienced hands - mine!

So after a good flow of tears, I am somewhat stable again (everything is relative you know!) and my main worry has been keeping Sammy from licking his wounds. I got chastised for not making him wear the funny lampshade thing, but he looked so uncomfortable in it and kept bumping into everything!! Anyway, our next appointment is Thursday, and the stitches will come out. Things look like they are healing well.

Unfortunately, I came across a couple of lumps on Karma. One lump is small and I first noticed it about 6 months ago (I'm not very good about time, so I'm guessing here.) The other lump looks to be a small wound caused by a nasty twig jab. The small sores on this lump were slightly infected, so both dogs are on antibiotics.

Taking Karma to the vet is not fun. As soon as anyone tries to touch him, he goes ballistic. He tries to bite the vet when she is simply listening to his heart. For this reason, I have become expert in applying a muzzle. He doesn't like it, but it sure cuts down on some of the stress - and doggie bites.... and he is not kidding. I think he has some abuse issues as a puppy, so touching him in certain ways will incur doggie wrath and teeth. Thursday, the vet will try again to biopsy the one bump, and hopefully, it will be a fatty cyst.

I wonder at times, why people bother with health insurance without insuring their pets. In the last couple of weeks we have spent an easy $1k (AUD) on doggie health. Even my health expenses haven't been quite so dear! Oh well. What else to do? Sammy and Karma are my best buddies!

Luv and Hugs, Judi

Red-bellied black snake

2007-03-28T16:53:00.000+10:00

Almost stepped on a Red Bellied Black Snake today out walking by the Fishponds west of Hornsby. What a great name - it really rolls off the tongue - Red -- Bellied -- Black -- Snake. Wow. He looked pretty cool as well.

Tim

No Body No Pain

2007-03-27T09:56:00.000+10:00

My body would hurt so if I had one

Instead of my head bobbing and bobbing
In the air like a helium filled balloon
Because the pain sometimes feels

Would feel, unbearable.

But, since I am just a head
When I feel this bad
My body feels no pain
No body, No pain.

Sometimes I feel that a body
Might be better than a head
Because the body hurt can go away
Pain in ones head is eternal.

Or so it seems

Why is it that head pain
Is called pain as in the body?
Or is it pain in the heart?
Of course, the heart is in the body.

Should it not be called something else?
Like poison of the soul?
And body pain is a symptom of illness
From which one can die.

So, can one die from soul pain?
Heart or head or soul – pain.
I guess that might be suicide
Or the body just finally giving in.

Are they tied together
This soul and this heart, head and body?
Such that for one to live
They all must thrive or at least try.

When my body disappears,
It gives my soul a time to howl
Without worry of death
Or of not trying hard enough.

Saturday, June 10, 2006
Judi and internal artists

"THE SCREAM"

Oil Painting 1980, Judy Castelli

"The Scream" was painted well before my diagnosis of multiple personality disorder (DID), and before my understanding of what exactly was going on inside. It was painted without the knowlege of alter personalities, and before any memories fo child abuse. It is an accurate view of what I felt like inside, almost all the time.
MPD DID, survivor art.

http://www.multiple-personality.com/gallery11.html

Sammy's Day at the Vet

2007-03-24T20:10:00.000+11:00

I thought you might be interested in Sammy's condition, so here's an update. We picked him up from the Hornsby Vet at 5:00 PM (we had dropped him off at 8:30 AM). I was surprised how much energy he had as he came into the room where we were waiting. You would have thought he just came in from a walk in the park. This is good. Our Vet, Kay, is great. She actually talks to the dogs, like I do. This is a positive sign and something to look for in a good vet.

It sounds like Sammy is covered with all kinds of bumps - good, bad and who knows? Several of them are the fatty cyst type lumps that you don't need to worry about. But he had some of the not so easily brushed aside kind of lumps too. She showed us two vials with biopsies destined for the pathologist. One was the hard lump she removed from his "rump" and the other had appeared like a nipple on his belly - I never even noticed it. We don't know what's going to happen. He seems healthy and with luck, Kay got all the little (if there were any) nasties that need to be removed. Judging by the five inch incision with stitches on his rear leg, I hope she got at least most of it. He also has incisions on his tummy and his foreleg. Our test will be how to keep Sammy from wanting to go "walkies," which means "runnies" in doggie language. I told Tim I should just take him to the dog park - he never does anything there - just hangs out! Take away the fence though, and he's outta here!

For the next week, he is supposed to walk slowly. He is also supposed to wear one of the collars that juts out about a foot from his neck. Experience tells me that Sammy is not going to like that, but we need something to keep him from licking his stitches - and I can understand how stitches can get to the point of needing to be licked! Kay found more bumps on my little guy, but she's sure those are fatty cyst type lumps - no worries. Bottom line is that it's pretty much "wait and see." Ugh. Well, right now he's sleeping soundly on the floor in front of me. I think he's a little confused about what happened, but who isn't after surgery? I found some lumps on Karma too - of course, after their annual exam. I might bring him in during Sammy's follow up and have the doc check them out.

Well, that's all I know. We should get the biopsy results by next Saturday, and hopefully, earlier. Think good thoughts for my little bud.

Hugs, Judi

My Lumpy Dog

2007-03-24T10:47:00.000+11:00

Sammy went to the vet this morning for surgery. They are going to remove two lumps from his hind leg and send them to be biopsied. One of the lumps has been there for quite a while, but the other is fairly new and harder. Lumps are fairly common on dogs (as people), but there are evil ones that must be watched. I'm a wreck and I cried when I left the vet's office. Sammy was a trouper until I started to leave, then he got a bit anxious. A friend of mine from the dog park works at this vet and will be working today. I'm glad that Sammy will have Nicky around - someone he knows. Nicky volunteers doing pet therapy by going to rest homes and visiting the elderly with her dog, BJ. I am convinced that BJ is a horse wearing a dog costume - he's huge. But the old folks love him. There is a funny photo I have showing Sammy and BJ together at the park. It might not be in the best taste, but it shows Sammy's optimistic spirit and BJ's calm nature.

On other matters....
The poem that I posted yesterday might be a bit too obtuse for general understanding. It's actually obtuse for me too. Instead of another poem right away, I'm going to post one of the many collages I've done (with inside help). Unless you zoom in, it will be difficult to capture some of the finer features of the art, but I hope you can appreciate them regardless of the limitations of the image. I believe this would be referred to as black art, so please don't expect a lovely, calming landscape.

I have many more collages, but these are two of my most recent works. I'll post some of the others later. My earlier collages are quite different to these.

Apologies for the somber tone of today's post - but I'm a bit down. Feel free to comment on anything you see or read on our blog. We only have two regular commenters, and we love to hear from them.

Oh, I forgot to mention. We had a black turkey right outside our bedroom door this morning. Tim heard flapping noises during the night, but had no idea what was causing the commotion. I'm not sure why he chose to visit us - perhaps he heard we don't eat meat or poultry!

Peace and hugs,
Judi

PS: We'll find out in a few hours how Sammy is doing. Send him healing thoughts please. :)

Poetry and Inside Cheerleaders

2007-03-22T12:38:00.000+11:00

Tim asked me why I haven’t blogged yet, and I think it’s because I have so much to say, I don’t know where to start. I want to talk about mental health issues so we can all get them out of the closet (rather than hiding them as the dirty secret). I hardly know anyone who is not taking antidepressant medication. So, it stands to reason that at least a few people have mental health “issues.” This is one reason why I want to write about my DID/MPD. People need encouragement to talk about their personal problems and challenges. If more of us open up, perhaps that can happen.

Isn’t it fascinating? The human mind is amazing. At one point in my therapy, we identified 60 +/- “alters” – my inside people. I have male alters, women alters, child alters, partial alters, a cussing teenage girl alter, I’m sure I have a dog alter... I have one alter who has poor hearing and my eyesight varies as to “who” is seeing at the time. It is now possible for scientists to watch a person’s “switching” happening on a brain-scanning machine. Incredible!

Not long after my diagnosis in the 1990’s, I would have alters write poetry for (and to) me. I would do the physical act of writing, but it was as though I was channeling someone else’s words. I could write a five-page poem with complex metaphors, etc. in under 20 minutes. During the writing process, I would think, “this doesn’t make sense.” But at the final reading, I was always amazed how everything came together. I would like to show you some of my/our poetry. Some of it is simple, some of it is complex, sometimes it’s a little too sing-songy, but it’s always interesting. I will cut some parts out due to triggering images or if the content is too “sensitive,” but here’s a sample:

March 8, 2000 - Untitled

Pushing petals in the snow
Flowing waters whilst I go
In whose heart I barely tread
This I know I must be led.

To the point of my dismay
After which down I lay
On to heaven I will soar
Seeking justice ever more.

For the truth is hard to see
But it’s she that beckons me
Only I will rejoice for it
After which I’ll wearily sit.

Kindness grabs at my right hand
Scratching figures in the sand
Dismay will catch me this I know
But truth from heart will surely flow.

Kindness dupes the ones who hide
Pushing forth those who lied
Send me on to those poor souls
Drop me down through heaven’s holes.

Catch me now for I do sink
Buffeting winds force me to think
Cautious watchdogs we sit back
Waiting waiting for the attack

All I know and this I pray
Wonder will come to me this day
Hoping hoping for all to rise
Struggling not from those despised.

So, this I tell you as we sit
Truth unravels bit by bit
Push ahead and trounce the wall
Waiting waiting we heed the call.

I am Christopher hear me out
I’m a gentle soul and not a lout
Embrace me with your arm so tight
And hold me close with all your might.

And when I hide, you beckon me
You cannot wait and let me be.
You call me forth and make me talk
From your request I cannot walk.

But treat me kindly this you shall
And I’ll remain your sainted pal.
Kindness works of this I know
So step along and forward we go.

I bid adieu to you and yours
And go ahead and do your chores
I will work on what you ask
Preparing for the tedious task.

I won’t leave you don’t worry now
In your honor, this I vow
We’ll step ahead and get to know
From our hearts, knowledge will flow.

The rest of the poem I will omit due to the sensitive content and triggering images. Christopher, who is an older and wise “part” of me, writes the poem. I’m sure it’s not written by the “traditional me,” because I don’t use words like “whilst.” He understands that I want to know what happened to me (the trauma to make me DID). It seems he has help writing the poem. In the section I cut out, he gives me some of the information.

The final two stanzas are:

She is strong she knows such sorrow
From other moons some souls she’ll borrow
We came forth to walk the road
The seeds we planted, never sowed.

I will end this sad sad tale
Sometime soon, we’ll need to wail
But til then we’ll suffer strong
And peace I know will come along.

Blog written by Judi

Does DID exist?

2007-03-19T18:26:00.000+11:00

Having said that Judi has DID, we'd better dispose of the idea that DID doesn't exist. If you read enough on the topic, you'll find that some people believe that DID is either a fantasy indulged in by self-absorbed people or something unwittingly taught to patients by doctors. I know a few DID people and have read a fair bit about it and I have no doubt at all that it exists. I've lived with a DID sufferer for about ten years now and have seen the effects over and over again. Either Judi is the best actor the world has ever seen or she has multiple personalities.

Unlike the Monkees, I'm not a believer. I find it hard to believe in anything - I have to see it to believe it and even then I wouldn't call it belief to accept what your eyes tell you, I'd call it knowledge. Given something strange, I'd far rather find a simple explanation than a complicated one. In the case of DID, the simplest explanation is that people can have multiple identities. To understand this, we have to reflect on what a personality is. To me, it's a pattern of behavior exhibited by a person that is repeatable and predictable. As a physicist, I like to think of a personality as being indicative of non-linear dynamics but if that means nothing to you, don't worry. Here's an analogy - in the days of long playing records played by a needle running around in a spiral groove, they used to make trick LPs with multiple but separate grooves. By choosing the starting point at random, you could select an entirely different song, or by nudging the record player, you could skip from one song to another. When DID people get nudged, they can switch personalities. This analogy isn't quite right but it's suggestive.

So why do people not accept the idea of DID? I can think of a number of reasons:

It's pretty strange - if I haven't lived with Judi, I probably wouldn't have believed it.
Some people have a very straightforward view of how the mind works that doesn't accommodate something as strange as DID. As a long time meditator, I know that my mind is really strange anyway so it doesn't bother me.
DID is supposed to be caused by the severe and persistent abuse of young children. This is horrible to even contemplate so for some people it's preferable to deny DID.
For the same reason, some parents or family members implicated even indirectly may wish to deny DID.

So, yes, it exists. As I said, it's the simplest explanation of what Judi and I have experienced.

Tim

Being dissociative or "MY DID"

2007-03-19T08:31:00.000+11:00

Sheesh, what to say now? Ever since we started this blog, I have wanted to talk about my DID…. Now that I can… I’ve got BLOGFRIGHT!!!!!

The real problem is that I have too much I want to say. I want to tell you about my DID, but I also want you to know more about DID in general (i.e., How does it start, how long does it last, is it curable, how many people have DID, etc.) I remember when I was diagnosed in 1997, well, some things I remember. For example, I remember not being able to comprehend that I had +/- 60 different parts/alters in my head. I remember going to work and wondering if anyone could see how fragmented I was. I used to be so secretive about the DID – (in little, backward Socorro, NM) that I was convinced if people found out, they would burn me at the stake as if I was a witch.

Most people would not ever know when I was “switched” (i.e., someone else). A lot of my “alters” were regular people who did specialized jobs for when I could not. Stephanie was the professional worker (mostly the Human Resource Manager). I also have various “professional” drivers, so that I am probably a better and more consistent driver than most people on the road (I think I had one parking ticket, but I’m not sure). There are others. You probably recognize some of these “people-types” – you probably have your own set. The difference is one of degree and level of dissociation. Common dissociation is spacing out as you drive down the freeway. Not so common dissociation is spacing out so much that someone else comes out to deal with life, while you’re perhaps hiding in a corner of your own mind.

I hope you are as impressed with my husband as I am. How many men could sit and talk to their 40-something wife (after recent marriage), and still sit and talk to that woman when her seven year old alter comes out. Think about it. Actually, I was probably more freaked out than he was. Tim has been incredible during this entire ordeal. Since he met Patricia, he has chatted with numerous alters of different ages and temperaments. Surely, I would never have made it without his support over the last ten years. As difficult and challenging as it has been, he still has fun watching me (and my little folk) watch “kid” movies. When I was watching the movie, Alaska, about two kids looking for their father in cold country (the father had crashed his plane on a mountain). The kids were adopted by (and adopted) “Cubby” the polar bear cub. Of course, these children got into all sorts of frightening and dangerous situations, during which my little one, “Tanya,” would holler out, “Cubby, save boy!!!” or “Cubby, where girl, go find girl!!” I have to say I’m incredibly cute as a kid.

There’s so much more to say, but I have time.
Judi, et al

Judi's DID

2007-03-18T08:20:00.000+11:00

Some of our friends will know that this blog has omitted to say much about one very big thing in our lives - Judi's struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder. We've kept this private until now but both of us think it's time to be more open.

Judi and I are approaching the tenth anniversary of our first date - April 27, 1997. That night was wonderful and something that we both remember. I also remember well the next date - we drove out into the desert east of Socorro to a waterhole that I knew about. We walked around chatting happily but then it started to get dark and the stars came out. We decided to leave but as we got up to go, Judi told me that she'd had many difficult times in her life. The increasing darkness of the night matched her mood shift. It was a striking moment - too dark to see much of her face but I could hear something unexpected in the tone of her voice.

Shift forward 6 months, and we're married, sitting on the bed in the evening. It's been a wonderful 6 months and we're really happy. There have been some tough times - she occasionally goes into a strange state that I don't recognize - sometimes crying inconsolably. An ice pack on the neck will bring her back. So there we are, talking on the bed about something - but I can't remember what. All of a sudden I realize that Judi's voice has changed, and that she sounds like a young girl. I don't mean that metaphorically - I mean that she really sounds like a young girl. I realized almost immediately that I was talking to another person so I asked her name - she said "Patricia". We had a reasonably long conversation. The key to talking to alters, which is what Patricia is, is to respect them and treat them just like a real person. I did that and she talked. I can't remember much of what we talked about.

Shift forward a few more months, and I'm in a taxi looking out the back window at Judi. She's standing at the window of the in-take office of a hospital in Dallas, watching my taxi drive away. It's a terrible moment. I have to be back in Socorro but she needs to stay there for intense therapy. She's really broken down into fragments - bit and pieces of a person. There are many, many alters, most of whom I have met over the last few months. Meeting an alter is not always as easy as meeting Patricia since some carry huge amounts of rage and anger.

Finally here we are now in Australia. Judi is much, much better. She and I have been through some really tough times together and honestly still expect to have more in the future. I've had one episode of really bad depression since we met but I feel good now. We have a wonderful relationship as we always have had despite our problems.

Judi is still in therapy. She still cannot work and I don't know if she ever will be able to. I hope so since I know that work means a lot to her. It's important to her to feel that she's making a contribution. And she has a lot to contribute.

So that's the story from my perspective but it's mostly up to Judi to tell about it. I'll chime in with my own recollections and thoughts but it's over to her.....

Why Does Everything Want to Kill Me Here??????

2007-03-06T19:38:00.000+11:00

Some friends told me about the Blue Ringed Octopus. They said that it can be found in the waters off New South Wales, which made me very nervous since I was frolicking around NSW tidal pools last week, and picked up lots of beautiful shells. I didn't think that reaching down into the water to get shells from the various tidal pools would present a problem - I thought that the terrible "Cone Shell" and "Blue Ringed Octopus" were only found on the northern coasts of Australia. Hopefully, this article I've read is correct and that they really are only found in the northern parts. Ugh! Here's the lowdown of the octopus poison:

Blue Ringed Octopus Poison

DANGER! The blue rings on a blue ringed octopus are only visible when it is about to attack. The blue ringed octopus can cause death to an adult human in minutes. There is no known antidote.

The blue ringed octopus has two poison glands that secrete different types of poison through the saliva. One type is quite mild and is used to paralyze crabs and other prey when hunting for food. The other type is very toxic and is used as a defence against predators, including people.

The blue ringed octopus has a painless bite that is not much more than a scratch. The poison in the blue ringed octopus saliva, however is very strong and can kill an adult human in minutes.

Bites generally occur when a blue ringed octopus has been picked up out of its pool or stepped on so most bites are inflicted on the hands, arms, shoulders and feet.

At first the victim feels nauseous, then there is a loss of sight, touch speech and the ability to swallow. In 3 minutes, the nervous system stops working, paralysis sets in and respiratory failure commences. Without immediate help the victim will die.

Mouth to mouth resusitation and heart massage must be started straight away and continued until professional medical help is reached. There artificial respiration and heart massage will continue unitl the poison can work its way out of the victims system. This usually takes about 24 hours and leaves the victim with no obvious side effects.

Victims are aware of their surroundings throughout their ordeal but are unable to respond in any way. They may appear dead but if aid comes quickly enough, they will survive.

Because the poison is in the saliva, it can be injested through the skin. Some people have reported a tingling in their hands after touching rocks or water recently occupied by the blue ringed octopus.

A friend of mine at the "doggie park" said he loves Australia because it is so DANGEROUS!!! Excuse me? What is he thinking? I suspect he wouldn't be quite so cavalier if it were his kids that found one of these unfriendly creatures.

Hmmmm. I guess I need to find out the typical bite/mortality rate of these charming little critters. :)

Luv Ya, Judi

Random observations from our trip

2007-02-28T19:46:00.000+11:00

It is possible to buy a good bottle of Shiraz for $1.99. I did so in Coff's Harbor. Actually I bought 6 for $11.99. I wish I'd bought more. We're big fans of clean skin wines. Our current favorite is a Shiraz-Viognier that Dan Murphys sell for $6.50 a bottle in a case.
Nimbin is one of the armpits of the world. I'm not particularly opposed to inhaling but this place made me think again - there are a lot of seriously wasted people here.
North NSW is spectacular - well worth visiting. We'll definitely go back.
Southern QLD on the beach has been Californicated. We'll have to route around it next time if we want to go further north.
You just can't eat too many fish tacos when close to the ocean. Reading this it's ambiguous so let me say it plainly - eat all the tacos you can when close to the sea!
It is possible to survive 12 days without checking your email.

Judi and I had an excellent time on our vacation. Caravaning is ideal for those who like a comfortable bed but also eating outside and seeing the sun rise. It's also cheap - only $20 per night typically for a powered camp site. Also you get to meet interesting people and critters. Our caravan needs a few more comforts - maybe we'll take the coffee machine next time. But we didn't miss the TV although I was shocked to hear that England had finally won something in cricket - the one day international series.

The dogs had fun, I think, though I believe that I managed to exhaust Sammy by all the walking I did. In the end he sort of refused to go with me on a walk, which was a first.

I hope we can go again soon.

Tim

Our Maiden Voyage

2007-02-25T08:35:00.000+11:00

This is going to be hard, because I have already forgotten a lot of what we've done. Hmmmm. We were going to try to leave on Saturday, but it became clearer that we wouldn't get organized in time. Even on Sunday, it took a while to get it together - but we finally did and set off around mid-day. It takes some time to set up a camper caravan for a maiden voyage. I had downloaded checklists from the net, so I had some pretty good lists to go by - but even with all my preparation, I still forgot some important items. I also thought that I had forgotten a few items only to find them later tucked efficiently into some nook and cranny in the caravan.

This actually had its advantages, because one thing I forgot (i.e., "thought" I forgot) was my pair of Tevas. I nearly drove Tim crazy searching stores for a replacement pair - they had to be water durable, comfortable, and when I thought Ialso had forgotten my hiking boots, sturdy. The advantage came about when we stopped for lunch in the town of Kempsey. Kempsey does not look particularly prosperous. The first building we walked past after parking the car was the AA meeting place and then there were the Salvos (Salvation Army) type stores and more than its share of cheap variety stores. No one in Kempsey looked healthy and not surprisingly, I think everyone smoked - even the five year olds (kidding). I digress. After a nice lunch of a prawn sandwich on Foccacia bread, we walked back to the car via the main street. Always on the lookout for shoe stores to replace my sandals, I dashed into a small shop. Guess what? I found my shoes! They are fashioned after Keen brand water shoes and marked down to $19.95 from $59.95!! There was one pair left and it was a male shoe (I'm not fussy), but in my size. Wow, what luck. Even Tim was impressed with my find, but I think the shop lady thought I was nuts.

Let me back up. After leaving home on Sunday, we headed up the coast not knowing exactly where were going - we knew we were going north and we knew we wanted to start out by the beach. I had done lots of research on the net for dog friendly caravan parks that offered powered sites (Tim needs electricity to run his cpap machine - it forces air into the mouth for sleep apnea). We REALLY wanted to bring the coffee machine and bread machine... but that would be overdoing it I guess. One park was a comfortable distance for our first day of driving and was rated five paws for dog friendliness. The park's name is Weeroona, and it is located at Manning Point, NSW, which isn't far from Taree. Weeroona Holiday Park turned out to be an excellent choice for our first park stay. We wound our way through rows of aging permanent caravans (and their aging residents) to the back of the park and chose a site near the entrance to the beach.

Twenty five meters on the other side of our site was a small tract of rainforest.... and it turned out to be aptly named.

Our first night at the park was lovely and we had a long walk on the absolutely gorgeous beach. Karma and Sammy had a great time. Sammy would wait for a wave to come in and then before it got to him.... run up the beach to get away - just like a little kid. The next morning we woke up to some nice weather but the skies looked slightly forbidding. Tim is walking a lot to get extra points on his weight watchers diet. He's being incredibly good on this diet -- good food and exercise - go figure. So Tim, the dogs and I went for a long walk on the beach. A looooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg way down the beach the skies opened up -- it poured and we had nothing with us - no coats, no hat, no umbrella, no nada. Not too smart. The dogs didn't like it any more that we did so they were using us for shelter. Tim took the hero role and wrapped his body around me to protect me a bit from the wind and rain and to warm me up --- I was sooooo cold. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but I know that I didn't take my eye off the snake that was sharing the beach with us - only meters away. In all my summers as a kid loving vacations on Cape Cod - not once - not once!! - did I ever see a snake on the beach.

Ok OK. Let me start from now and then go back and then forth again. Our current locale is at Corindi Beach Caravan Park. Our site is grassy and overlooks the beach which is about 50 meters down the hill.

The beach goes for miles and miles and miles - beautiful sand, interesting shells, and fun tidal pools.

The surf in front of us is a little too dangerous for swimming, but down the way a bit is a nice beach for swimming and surfing. This is not a patrolled beach since it is far from any major town. The caravan park is dog friendly which is how we happened upon it. Dogs are supposed to be leashed while in the park, but the beach is leash free and the dogs love it. One of the funniest things we saw this trip is Sammy and Karma discovering a crab. You don't see the crabs too often since they usually stay hidden down their holes, but unwary crabs - look out - dogs! It actually wasn't clear who was winning for most of the "contest," but I'll tell you the dogs finally won out. Until that time, Sammy spent his energy barking at the crab and whenever the crab went toward him, he would madly back up - still barking. Karma, a herding dog, decided the way to deal with an ornery crab was to keep running around it - round and round and round. If the crab ran towards him, he would trip over Sammy trying to get out of the way. Unfortunately for our crabby friend, Karma got braver and braver and tried to bite the crab a few times, eventually giving it a good chomp - goodbye crab. Neither dog showed any interest in eating the crab, but I don't think the smell clicked any innate canine yearnings. This whole little dance would have made a great video complete with music... perhaps an opera depicting dueling gentlemen.

Doggie Dootie - so to speak.

Kisses, Judi

Japanese poetry

2007-02-07T08:52:00.000+11:00

Long time readers will know that I love Japanese poetry. I just discovered the following....

Tim

To Galston Gorge

2007-02-03T20:48:00.000+11:00

I walked to Galston Gorge this morning. It's about 10km of fairly tough walking and took about 3 hours. The paths in this part of Sydney typically go up and down a lot. It's excellent exercise which helps with my new endeavor - to lose weight via Weight Watchers For Men.

Here's the track I made with my new GPS. I finally got one (a Garmin Legend C) that knows about Australia AND can talk to a computer.

Tim

More stuff....

2007-01-28T12:26:00.000+11:00

I got a good giggle yesterday while looking at my flickr photos. I was checking to see which photos have been viewed most by visitors and was surprised that my "Birdie Porn" photos have been displaced by: The Boys New Bike Tights (A scanned, poor quality, blurry photo). Now, I could be kind and say that hundreds of women are lusting after Tim and Gavin in their sporting togs.... but when you think about it.... hmmmmmmm. Are these viewers women?

My little baby Lorikeet is growing less little and more assertive. When I go onto our balcony with grapes, he (she?) immediately jumps onto my hand/wrist and starts eating the grape as I hold it. I have to sneak the other grapes to its parents, because he wants those grapes as well. Assertiveness, however, is a trait common to Lorikeets. I haven't seen the bird who is "bird" enough to stand up to them, and size doesn't matter. Particularly amazing is the Sulphur Crested Cockatoo. This large bird (+/- 20 inches) is twice the size of the petite Lorikeet, yet is scared off screaming (and I mean screaming!) by the little birds. For this small service, I am grapeful (er, I mean grateful). I have heard many horror stories of innocent home owners who feed the lovely Cockatoos, only to have their homes destroyed, pecked by angry - "can't get enough to eat when I want it" - Cockatoos.

Lastly, I want to tell you of the wonderful Australia Day we had Friday, January 26. A coworker of Tim's and friends, John and Alison, invited us on their boat for the day. The weather was perfect - not killer hot like the previous day - perfect. Australia day seems to be a good reason for all Australians to party - something, I must admit, they do very well. We boated out into Sydney Harbor to watch the Ferry Races, admire the Tall Ships, drink some good wine, swim a bit... life is hard. Our captain, John, should get several stars for safely navigating through a gazillion boats of varying sizes while tipping to and fro in "washing machine like" conditions. I got a couple of good photos during all the excitement, but Tim snapped some interesting photos that really captured the different moods of the day: Festive, Frantic and Serene.

An understated vessel...

Arghhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh....

....and some native wildlife....

I took one beautiful photo of a tall ship, but it was nothing compared to this one - Tim's life in actual peril!!!!

Love and Kisses! Judi
(PS: That's a bull shark - actually found in this particular swimming spot, and actually dangerous!)

PSS: I forgot to mention... I was taking the sheet off the laundry line outside, and ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! a GIGANTIC spider the size of my palm was sauntering down the sheet - ugh!!! Then he disappeared, so I had to encourage his journey to the ground. Had he been a funnel web spider, he would have raised up like he was going to strike. I think this guy (or gal) was a Wolf Spider - not a killer, but a painful biter. Fortunately, I don't have to report how a bite feels, and I was impressed at how casual and non-aggressive this spider seemed to be. Hmmmmm, a spider in wolf's clothing perhaps?????? (Almost scared the sheet outta me!!!)

Is Photoshop Elements 4.0 Worth All This?????

2007-01-24T08:42:00.000+11:00

Adobe continues to astonish and amaze me (and not in a good way). Since my last post, I received three emails from Adobe. One email was from Adobe Asia/Pacific and incredibly it was from an actual human - obviously a human who had not read my complaint. This human suggested that I log into my account first so that I can view my order and download history. Well, duh!!! Then, I received two more emails - duplicates. Guess which Adobe group is responding to my "Open Case?" UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What are they thinking (or not)????

More amazing still is that the messages contain a pdf document that I could read or I could go directly to the UK open case site. The message on each was the same - log in to view my case history. There is no Adobe response listed - all they have is my initial request!!! Have I fallen in to software company Hell??? Is there no end to their incompetence? ADOBE, IF YOU ARE REALLY OUT THERE.... PLEASE HEAR MY PLEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers? Judi

Summer in Australia

2007-01-23T19:26:00.000+11:00

It's hot - very hot. I went for a walk on Sunday morning and the temperature rose about 10 degrees C while I was out. Somehow my brain got fried and I didn't realize how hot I actually was until I got home. Took me most of the day to recover. Highest temp was about 41C at our house. It was actually too hot to go kayaking if you can imagine that.

Other news....

Man escapes from shark by vicious poke in the eye (man pokes shark, that is).
Teenager dies from brown snake bite but man lives after a bite. The moral is if you get bitten, rest, bind the bite area, and send for help rather than go yourself.
Australia is crushing all comers at cricket (was England during the Ashes but now includes New Zealand). No link since (*sarcasm alert*) there hasn't been any reporting about it here.
Bush fires up the valley from us. Probably an arsonist. No danger to our neighborhood but we can smell the smoke.

On the Australia acclimatization front, we've discovered that putting a big shrimp (called prawn here) on the barbie isn't a good idea. A wok is much better - sprinkle a little spicy stuff such as chili powder and then stirfry quickly - Hmmmmm, prawns.

On Australia Day (Friday), we have an invitation to go sailing with some friends in the harbor. The ferry boat race is a highlight, evidently.

Life is mostly good, obviously.

Tim

ADOBE.COM uses bad Muzak and Robots to terrorize customers!

2007-01-19T14:55:00.000+11:00

I don't complain that much. Really! But this got me sooooooooooooo mad. The major source of irritation? ADOBE.COM. I generally like Adobe products, especially Adobe Photoshop Elements - 2, 3 and now 4.0. Did you hear that Adobe???? 4.0!!! I have it. I downloaded it from your website after I paid for it. Why don't you remember me? Why do I have no history? Why do I not have any downloads to return to so that I can reinstall? Why I ask you - WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???

But, that's not the worst part. Do you think I have been able to get Adobe to rectify this problem. Not a chance.

The sad history:

December 18: I wrote an email to Adobe telling them about my problem.
PROBLEM: No response.

Then, about two weeks ago, I called Adobe customer service in the US. After a robot suggested I press #1, I was taken to Muzak Hell. First call: nine minutes of muzak. Second call: nine more minutes of muzak. Just the robot and the muzak. No human. Not even another robot!

Then I tried a chat which is conveniently only available 9-5 Pacific Time. This time, I didn't get muzak, but I'm pretty sure I got a robot. The robot's name was Kendall. I won't bore you with the whole conversation (he didn't send me the transcript by email like the first three chat's that got cut short). The bottom line, however, is it seems that the problem is theirs (Adobe's), and Kendall says it isn't a problem they can rectify with the chat opportunity (Although the chat is shown to be a method to correct registration problems - which mine is!)

After Tim fed me some tranquilizers and a few days passed... and before I opened a so-called "case," I called customer service again (I'm not usually this masochistic!)...
two more 8-minute sessions of muzak. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I opened a case with Adobe. They promise to contact you about your case within 1 business day. It's January 19 here in Oz Land.

Please note this was completed and sent to Adobe January 15.

Description of Issue:

I have quite a few issues at the point in time, but the main one is that
you don't show an order history for me or any downloads. I have had
Photoshop Elements for Mac 3.0 and several months ago purchased
4.0.

Trying to rectify this problem I have written one email with no response
dated December 18, 2006, called customer service twice and without
any indication of what is happening, was stuck listening to some terrible
muzak for eight minutes each time - I finally hung up as I didn't know if
anything was happening. The worst experience though, was when I did
the "chat". I don't know if you use computers to do the "chat" with
customers or if this was a human - I really couldn't tell, except that
"Kendall" never sent me a transcript of our conversation, and the three
previous times (was disconnected) received e-mailed copies of the
chat. So if that was a computer the computer chose not to pass along
any incriminating evidence. Kendall told me that I had to talk to
customer service and that my problem seemed to be one on your side
(Adobe's). When I mentioned that I had already tried to call twice, he just
repeated the same words. He eventually just hung up on me. It was truly
the worst customer experience I have ever had.

I guess I really don't expect any helpful response from this email, but I
don't know where else to turn in order to access my download so that I
can reinstall my Photoshop 4.0. If there are actually any humans at Adobe,
I hope I have the opportunity to interact with one.

Judi Lowell (judi.lowell@gmail.com)

Hey, thanks for listening to me, and I know only some of you are robots.

With Love, Judi