House of the mentally interesting

Judi has demonstrated her openness by writing about her Dissociative Identity Disorder in several posts. This was partly provoked by CIGNA's stupid decision to classify her as being able to work, even though no one from CIGNA has talked to Judi or her doctor.

So she has set the standard. Now I have to live up to it. I've had clinical depression diagnosed since some time in the mid nineties, but I think that I've had it essentially all my life, starting at the age of 14 or 15, with bad flare ups every few years. I recently went to see a new doctor, and to cut a not very long story even shorter, it seems that I have Bipolar II. Bipolar used to be called manic depression, a name that is somewhat frowned upon but which is quite useful as having two parts that can be used as appropriate - mania and depression.

Depression is easy to spot in my life. We're not talking the blues here but major internal white-outs in which I disappear even from myself. I've dealt with these over the years in various ways. For the last 13 years, I've been taking anti-depressants, which usually work very well. That is, they work for a few years and then the effect seems to wear off (at least for me), and I have to move onto another type.

Mania is a much trickier customer. Severe mania is associated with BP I, and this wrecks lives. You run short on judgment, discretion, good sense, the need to sleep, etc. In place of these worthy qualities come delusions - farsight, clearsight, profound understanding and insight, and the urge to share these. Fortunately I seem to have hypomania - a little bit of mania. In small doses, the delusions seem helpful (homeopathic delusions?).

So depression and mania come hand-in-hand for a person with BP. Usually they occur sequentially but it's possible to have both at once.

I can now look back on my life and recognize periods of depression, hypomania, mania and mixed states. I feel like calling up people I know and saying you know when I did that idiotic thing.... Fortunately I don't think I've been that bad, apart from some time in the mid nineties when I was probably in a mixed state for many months. My very good friend Andy helped me get through this wretched time.

The good thing (and you knew there had to be at least one) is that BP is more amenable to pharmacological treatment than pure depression. I've been taking Zyprexa which is a wonder drug in my book. My depression has lifted totally. I may be slightly manic but I can live with that, and I suspect it will die away as I get used to the drug.

BP is evidently being diagnosed more these days, probably because doctors are more aware of it and also have better diagnostic tools. I have an appointment at the Black Dog Institute to get tested more definitively. I used their on-line test as a first pass. Black Dog deals with mood disorders in general and their web site is an excellent resource for anyone suffering from mood disorders (either one's own or someone else's!). If you think you might benefit, go check it out.

Tim